Astoriagrrrl

Iris

2010-07-09T10:39:00.000-04:00

http://www.plinky.com/answers/93259#

I miss this

2010-01-24T21:11:00.001-05:00

This time of year? The smell of spring. It's about two months away and I'll feel those weeks of cold in every middle-aged bone. Winter can be lovely of course, but nothing feels as good as warmish air and french blue sky.

My first job: insurance

2010-01-24T21:01:00.001-05:00

My first job as a college grad was proofreading forms for a life insurance company. I have pale memories of squinting a lot at very small type, hating fonts, feeling like I needed fresh air (typical cubeland complaint), and thinking that the forms, such as they were written, were too dense in their legalese to be comprehensible by any normal human. I worked there for about eight months. I have no idea what I made. But at the time I thought to myself that I was "on my way."

2009-11-10T12:50:00.008-05:00

If anyone's outworn their welcome, it's Michael Lohan

2009-11-05T17:56:00.001-05:00

Who's obnoxious? I'll tell you who...

Lindsay Lohan

Michael Lohan, who, among other minor crimes against humanity, rides on his talented daughter's coattails. She may have some issues, but with a papa that messed up, can you blame her?

More about Astoria—& Queens

2009-11-04T08:21:00.000-05:00

Astoria is part of, or a "sub section of," Long Island City, a neighborhood along the East River of Manhattan. First, a bit about the outer borough of Queens, where all of this sits:

Per Wikipedia: Queens is the largest in area, the second-largest in population, and the most eastern of the Five Boroughs which form New York City and coincides with Queens County boundaries designated by the state.

Located on the western portion of Long Island, Queens is home to two of the three major New York City area airports, John F. Kennedy and LaGuardia; it is also the location of the New York Mets baseball team; the US Open tennis tournament; Flushing Meadows Park; Kaufman Astoria Studios; Silvercup Studios; and Frank Sinatra School of the Arts founded by Tony Bennett.

As of the 2005[update] American Community Survey, immigrants comprise 47.6% of Queens residents.[1] With a population of 2.3 million it is the second most populous borough in New York City (behind Brooklyn) and the tenth most populous county in the United States. It is also the nation's fourth-most-densely populated county (after the counties covering Manhattan, Brooklyn and the Bronx).[2] The 2.3 million figure is the highest historical population for the borough.[3] Were each borough an independent city, Brooklyn and Queens would be the fourth- and fifth-largest cities in the United States, respectively. If Queens were its own city it would be the fourth largest by population in the U.S.

Some history
Queens was established in 1683 as one of the original 12 counties of New York and was supposedly named for the Queen consort, Catherine of Braganza (1638-1705), the Portuguese princess who married King Charles II of England in 1662.[6][7]

The borough is often considered one of the more suburban NYC boroughs (compared to Manhattan). Neighborhoods in central Queens (except those situated along Queens Boulevard and the neighborhoods of Flushing and Jamaica), southern Queens, and eastern Queens have a look and feel similar to the bordering suburbs of western Nassau County. In its northwestern section, however, Queens is home to many urban neighborhoods and several central business districts. Long Island City, on the Queens' waterfront across from Manhattan, is the site of the Citicorp Building, the tallest skyscraper in New York City outside of Manhattan, and the tallest building on geographic Long Island.

The New York City Borough of Queens was authorized on May 4, 1897, by a vote of the New York State Legislature after an 1894 referendum on consolidation.[37] The eastern 280 square miles of Queens that became Nassau County was partitioned on January 1, 1899.[38]

Queens Borough was established on Jan 1, 1898.[39][40][41] Long Island City, the towns of Newtown, Flushing, and Jamaica, and the Rockaway Peninsula portion of the Town of Hempstead were merged to form the new borough, dissolving all former municipal governments (Long Island City, the county government, all towns, and all villages) within the new borough.[42] The areas of Queens County that were not part of the consolidation plan,[43][44][45][46][47][48][49] consisting of the towns of North Hempstead and Oyster Bay, and the major remaining portion of the Town of Hempstead, remained part of Queens County until they seceded to form the new Nassau County on January 1, 1899, whereupon the boundaries of Queens County and the Borough of Queens became coterminous. With consolidation, Jamaica once again became the county seat, though county offices now extend to nearby Kew Gardens also.[50][51]

From 1905 to 1908 the Long Island Rail Road in Queens was electrified. Transportation to and from Manhattan, previously by ferry or via bridges in Brooklyn, opened up when the Queensboro Bridge was finished in 1909, and with railway tunnels under the East River in 1910. From 1915 onward, much of Queens was connected to the New York City subway system.[52][53] With the 1915 construction of the Steinway Tunnel carrying the IRT Flushing Line between Queens and Manhattan, and the emergent expansion of the use of the automobile, the population of Queens more than doubled in the 1920s, from 469,042 in 1920 to 1,079,129 in 1930.[54] Queens was the site of the 1939 New York World's Fair and the 1964 New York World's Fair.

Geography
Queens County is in the western part of Long Island and includes a few smaller islands, most of which are in Jamaica Bay and form part of Gateway National Recreation Area, which is in turn one of the National Parks of New York Harbor.[55] The Rockaway Peninsula sits between Jamaica Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. The western and northern edge of the borough is defined a watery continuum made up of Newtown Creek which flows into the tidal estuary known as the East River, which includes the associated Flushing Bay and Flushing River. The East River opens into Long Island Sound. The mid-section of Queens is crossed by the Long Island straddling terminal moraine created by the Wisconsin Glacier. This feature evolved into a land use pun due to the siting of many cemeteries.

The tallest tree in the New York metropolitan area, called the Queens Giant, is also the oldest living thing in the New York metro area. It is located in northeastern Queens, and is 450 years old and 132 feet (40 m) tall as of 2005.

According to the United States Census Bureau, the county has a total area of 178.3 square miles (462 km2); 109.2 square miles (283 km2) of this is land and 38.7% is water.

Neighborhoods of New York City
The United States Postal Service divides the borough into five "towns" based roughly on those in existence at the time of the consolidation of the five boroughs into New York City: Long Island City, Jamaica, Flushing, Far Rockaway, and Floral Park. These ZIP codes do not necessarily reflect actual neighborhood names and boundaries; "East Elmhurst", for example, was largely coined by the USPS and is not an official community. Most neighborhoods have no solid boundaries. The Forest Hills and Rego Park neighborhoods, for instance, overlap.

Residents of Queens often closely identify with their neighborhood rather than with the borough or city as a whole. Unlike the situation in other boroughs, postal addresses are usually written with the neighborhood, state, and then zip code rather than the borough or city. The borough is a patchwork of dozens of unique neighborhoods, each with its own distinct identity:

• Howard Beach, Ozone Park, and Middle Village, are home to large Italian American populations.
• Rockaway Beach and Woodside have large Irish American populations. Woodside also has a large Hispanic and Asian American population.
• Astoria, in the northwest, is traditionally home to one of the largest Greek populations outside of Greece, it also has a large Croatian community, and is also home to a growing population of Arabs,South Asian as well as young professionals from Manhattan. Nearby Long Island City is a major commercial center and the home of the Queensbridge housing project.
• Maspeth and Ridgewood are home to many European immigrants, including large Polish and other Slavic populations. Ridgewood also has a large Romanian and Hispanic population.
• Jackson Heights, Elmhurst, and Corona make up an enormous conglomeration of Hispanic, Asian American and South Asian communities.
• Flushing, one of the largest neighborhoods in Queens that has a large East Asian community. The community consists of Chinese and Koreans as well as Hispanics, Italians and Greeks.
• Richmond Hill, in the south, is often thought of as "Little Guyana" for its large Guyanese community.[56]
• Rego Park, Forest Hills, Kew Gardens and Kew Gardens Hills have traditionally large Jewish populations (many of these communities are Jewish immigrants from Israel, Iran and the former Soviet Union). Also known for large and growing Indian and Hispanic/Latino communities, mainly immigrants from India and South America.
• Jamaica Estates, Fresh Meadows, and Hollis Hills are also populated with many people of Jewish background. Many Asian families reside in parts of Fresh Meadows as well.
• Jamaica is home to large African American and Caribbean populations. There are also middle-class African American and Caribbean neighborhoods such as Saint Albans, Cambria Heights, Springfield Gardens, Rosedale, Laurelton and Briarwood along east and southeast Queens.
• Bellerose and Floral Park are home to a large South-Asian population, predominantly Indian-Americans from the north-Indian state of Punjab and the south-Indian state of Kerala. There are some less diverse, but still prosperous part of Queens, such as South Jamaica.

I call myself Astoriagrrrl, so maybe I should tell you about Astoria

2009-10-27T19:32:00.002-04:00

Luckily for me, www.myastoria.com/history does a really good job. Astoria has a more diverse population than Greeks—in fact, if you look into the ethnic breakdown it gets pretty complicated, pretty fast. I think I'll let "My Astoria" do the explaining:

During the 1920's to the 1940's, Astoria became home to a large number of Italian, Greek, and Irish immigrants. After a change in U.S. Immigration policies in the late 1960's, Astoria received its biggest immigration boom in modern times, mostly from Greece. Today, Astoria boasts the largest number of Greek nationals and emigrants outside of Greece.

During the 1980's to present, immigrants from Bangladesh, India, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, and Brazil have increasingly settled in Astoria. More museums and artists also moved into this neighborhood in the 1980's. One of the first being Isamu Noguchi. Born in 1904, Noguchi continued making sculpture until his death in 1988. His career of more than sixty years intersected some of the crucial persons and places of our time. He lived across the street from what is now his museum on Vernon Blvd; the present site of the museum was originally a photoengraving plant which he purchased to house his works. The Isamu Noguchi Museum officially opened its door's to the public in 1985.

During the mid 1990's, the population of Astoria and LIC had risen as housing demands in Manhattan spilled over to the other boroughs. New housing began to be built, many new businesses flourished, and property values increased. A wide variety of young professionals, artists, writers and musicians began to reside in Astoria during this "gentrification" era, as a viable economic alternative to living in Manhattan.

Today, Astoria is a multicultural haven for people from all corners of the earth. On a per capita basis, Long Island City and Astoria are some of the safest neighborhoods in all of New York City. The neighborhood's architecture reflects its rich past: a hodgepodge of prewar apartment buildings, renovated row houses, brick tenements, and two family houses combine the old with the new. Partly due to the strong immigrant influence, the presence of the film industry, and the recent surge of Manhattan expatriates, today's Astoria enjoys a variety of robust small businesses, ethnic dining, bargain shopping, and trendy nightlife.

Honoring friends

2009-10-27T17:31:00.000-04:00

I had lunch today at Fig & Olive (midtown) with a woman who was my best friend in HS. J went to Colgate, worked at Proctor and Gamble for several years, got into med school at a time when most are finishing residency, and brushed off any hint of having bitten off too much, studying subjects like O chem and physics with a brainiac's ease. She also had two children and lived the structured busy life of an Emergency Room physician and mother.

My life has been very different. No hubby, no kids. (Although, as I always say, I'm a professional grade auntie.) Then there's education after Penn State: my bits and pieces of post BA work, mostly around fiction writing, have not an MFA made. Traditionally, I've been long on plans and short on attention span: At various points, I've wanted to be a ballet dancer, broadway dancer, singer/songwriter, and short story writer. All the while, through the highs and lows of it, the urges and droppings, I clocked in the day job in publishing, initially just to pay for benefits. Over time, it became a career. (And I became good at it.)

Two lives, two different paths. Two different styles. One bridge of friendship. I hope I stay in her orbit. Even as you grow up and change from the person you were you realize that having people in your life that see traces of those earlier selves, the traces beneath the varnish.... that's a person worth honoring.

Peace, love, and understanding.

2009-10-09T11:04:00.001-04:00

I'm still mulling over Obama being given a Nobel Peace Prize so early into his term. I'm an Obama fan, but the timing is questionable. It's as if they are giving him an award for having potential.

And, I can tell you, having received this award is giving anyone who doesn't like the prez mucho ammunition. (At the moment, I'm listening to "happy conservative warrior" Mike Gallagher, and he's not pleased.) But rather than blather and add to the hype, I'm posting something I put together, for a friend, about Buddhism. Originally, I wrote it to explain why I'm interested in it, because in my mind, Buddhism is ultimately about cultivating peace internally and extending it outward.
———
Everything is conditioned, relative, and interdependent. This is the Buddhist understanding of Emptiness.

———

Buddhism interests me because it often touches on themes of interconnection and transcendence. But it also speaks to ordinary existence. I’m intrigued by it as a system of thinking and behavior control because it makes sense to me given the adversity in my own life and the trouble I’ve seen in the world.

The Buddhist message of self compassion yet search for self control resonates. It addresses “fluctuations of emotion” and “attachment to outcomes” and urges the person to be a radical stoic. I’ve had debates with yoga teacher/philosopher types, including those who “don’t buy into the hype” and who say that all of this is simply “mind control.” And so it may be. (Mind control or not, I know that I feel better when I manage to control my emotions to some degree.)

Look what happened in recent months to the monks in Tibet: in “mind controlled” fashion—meaning, they put themselves into a certain stoic frame of mind and acted on their beliefs—they mounted a civil protest and were literally beaten for their efforts.

The teacher in my life who dismissed Buddhism as a failed religion and all religions as an enemy of happiness, said, “Lauren, you can’t change anything or save anyone. You must be selfish and steal happiness and that is all there is.”

Most people look at what goes on in the world as say, “it’s like a chess game and the object is to win and the object is also to cultivate advantage.” Maybe if I were one of the winners I’d agree that this is all there is. But since I’m not I find myself looking elsewhere for answers. But I digress.

Anyway, back to everything is everything: in my personal parlance, I mean, “It may seem separate but it’s all interconnected and hence one reality, one system of truth.” Everything is everything could have a mathematical sense.

(If you are interested in a scientific look at interconnection, try the book Consilience. I think in physics and advanced theoretical mathematics, experts are trying to drill down to a few essential elegant equations that “explain” all of reality as a holistic entity, like E=MC2.)

Heard at a school conference

2009-10-01T08:00:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, September 26 I attended the 17th Annual Conference on Journalism hosted by the NY Press Club Foundation at the New York University Kimmel Center. David Faber, who is the anchor and co-producer CNBC’s docs and original long-form programming, was the Keynote speaker. Faber, interestingly, also worked for a time at Institutional Investor Magazine, which says to me that there is a way out of the B2B ghetto, but I digress...

To lean on an overused term, Faber "leveraged" the credentials and experience to write the book And then the Roof Caved In. His presentation, which I had to miss, was the headliner. I'm sure it was compelling given the events of the previous 15 months.

For Astoriagrrrl, then, the main event was an early-morning panel on the challenges of covering a financial crisis which took even the experts off their self satisfied perches of glory.

Panelists included Carole Zimmer of Bloomberg News, Amy Eddings, of NPR's "All Things Considered" and Stacy-Marie Ishmael, who is from the Financial Times, and is now attending primarily to the affiliated Alphaville blog.

The panel talked about the ups, downs, and most daunting aspects of covering the financial meltdown in real-time. As the crisis broke, most at the table purported to be general business (or general) reporters. The exception? Stacy-Marie Ishmael, of course. She’d “cut her teeth” on “write ups of exotic instruments of the sort that blew up Wall Street.” That didn't necessarily make it more pleasant for her, although I sense she's a pretty analytical being and that she viewed the entire drama with less emotion then the rest of the panelists.

The elegant Ms. Ishmael was very articulate about the challenges of getting readers attention, moving an insider Wall Street story to broader audience. Or, as I would put much more bluntly: Most people only care about what happens to them and the how “big world events” effect them directly, they are not particularly interested in how the broader world of finance works. They also lack financial literacy. Given that, they prefer the half-*ssed highlights and an easy-to-digest low-down. More importantly, they need a personal boogie man to blame. (Not that I don't sympathize.) But I digress, again...

Despite traditional and specific barriers created by this particular crisis, the press worked valiantly to provide a narrative for all sorts of people, including those who did actually want to make sense of it all: Heard most on the panel? I knew very little going in, then had to “learn it all” under the gun and package this insight for the masses. These reporters had to rapidly familiarize themselves with a sea of acronyms and concepts—LIBOR (London Inter Bank Offer Rate); mark-to-market accounting, and so on.

Many of the panelists shared gently self deprecating remarks about how painful this process was to undergo. Not only was the subject matter difficult to grasp, and "the bankers bad at explaining it," according to one panelist, "the meltdown was scary to learn about. And, as the vision came into 20/20, I found myself wondering if the economy could survive—and yet, I had to keep up with the flow of breaking news and analysis." An Associated Press reporter, Eric Carvin, admitted: “I figured if I could teach myself [get myself to understand it] than I’d be in a good position to teach somebody else.”

Although Astoriagrrrl was chomping at the bit to get her questions answered and was blown off by the panel (perhaps my black power suit look was overblown? Perhaps I looked too "44" and not "NYU Grad Student"?), I found the event worthwhile. Also interesting was a session on the Bloomberg Administration and the Press. Note to self: rethink voting for Bloomie in the next election.

Tending all my digital gardens

2009-09-24T15:32:00.000-04:00

In recent months I've been working as a contributor on a tech portal that blends user generated content—that is, the comments of members—with write ups from professional contributors, of which I'm in second group. (It’s called CIOZone and any technologists looking for a new community to explore should check it out. Provided you are in a senior IT management position, you should be a fit. ) Sure, I come from a print publication background, with some web-related writing experience, so the fit is a bit of a stretch, in terms of formatting in particular. (I’ve long been a technology writer.) Let’s put it this way: It’s definitely given me a professional reason to tap into the blogosphere and “elsewhere e” lately. It’s forcing me to stay current with rapidly evolving tech trends.

Anyway I digress. The name of the game at this professional site: create engagement. That is, we want the our tech savvy readers to log on and, well, stay linked in as we talk about everything from green IT to the finer points of sourcing in the cloud.

I mention this professional commitment here because I have other commitments—including the one I wanted to make here, posting something at least three times weekly, just to get my mind on other things. The other way of thinking about it, I need to be engaged with this little blog with the same gusto that I attempt to engage others elsewhere. Sure, I’ve let this little blog die on the vine out of the usual time management struggles. Yet, in the spirit of "no more excuses and no more justifications" I'm going to see if I can start it up again.

In closing, I’ll say that summer verged on being “redix” as my niece Kate might say. Cool and drab in June, hotter than Hades in July, and simply weird in August... with many a “it’s not the heat it’s the humidity” types of days at my back. Celebs that were prime in my extreme youth have been leaving mother earth in droves, as if the Outer Limit were hosting a sample sale. [Patrick Swayze, RIP.] Healthcare reform and ensuing social mayhem made big headlines. Meanwhile, in my own little corner of the universe, I’ve been dealing with noisy neighbors, barking dogs, screaming kids, a random purse snatching, a corneal infection and other plights of Job. Ah, but nothing can fell the plucky Astoriagrrrl. And, as a sales guy once told me, what doesn’t kill us makes us smart & snarky. (Or something like that.) I guess I just need to tend all my digital gardens and keep hoping for the best as summer’s heat cools and takes on an autumn cast.

In defense of my coffee vice

2009-09-23T17:02:00.001-04:00

A word or two about my coffee habit.

Coffee Cup

Coffee is my vice. I started in 8th grade when I was dancing (ballet, modern, and jazz) 2 to 3 hours most nights and needed a little jolt to stay vertical and thin. I will never quit. Everything about the coffee experience is delicious, delectable, and well, innocent ... especially as compared to other vices a woman of a certain age could have. There's no "war on coffee" for example. (Unless Stumptown's invasion of NYC counts.) Nobody dies for coffee. (Well if they do, somebody needs to clue me in, okay? Because I'm not clear about it.) Coffee keeps me vertical long after the days events might have left me prostrate and sniveling instead. Coffee gives me oomph in my kick boxing class so I can slay imagined beasts and beasties. Now, cut back? Sure. Quit? Never.

Getting their attention and keeping it

2009-09-23T16:49:00.001-04:00

I used to be a bit of a brat—just bound on in to somebody's office (for instance) and ask for what I needed. I didn't intentionally do this to be rude, I just didn't think about how the interruption would effect them. Well, now that I'm older and wiser I'm here to tell you it WAS rude. So now, I email them to make an appt. and I try to be mindful. Ooops... I know, I'm being preachy. Sorry!

What are you fighting for?

2009-05-18T16:31:00.004-04:00

I don’t think of myself as a rubber necker, but I did exhibit those tendencies, at least initially, in watching Farrah’s story.

If you haven’t heard, this was the documentary she and Alana Stewart did about Farah's battle with lower intestinal cancer. Overall, I found myself sad and impressed by Fawcett, who I’d tended to dismiss as the vapid, cartoon figure depicted by the tabloids. In fact, she comes across in the documentary as smart, tough, and—with some scenes showing her painting before she'd taken ill—talented. (I didn’t know she studied arts at the University of Texas.)

When I first heard about the documentary in the “No Spin Zone,” I tended to agree with O’Reilly’s take that the project was in poor taste. Falling right in line with O’Reilly, I questioned the former Angel’s judgment and her motives. Then, when I saw what she did and realized how many letters she’d gotten from others struggling with the same diagnosis, well, I began to see why, in part, she may have been motivated to share her experiences. (People were counting on her, I think, for inspiration and some insight into what she was going through. Maybe something working for her could work for them.)

Although the resulting product was light on medical information and, at times, heavy on sentiment, it did provide an unsparing look at the suffering the illness causes. You see the character and strength the illness requires just for baseline coping. You see that you need to keep making decisions (about treatment) and coping the outcome of decisions you made months ago, even when too exhausted to lift your head off the pillow.

You could nitpick about the choice of music (it would have been better with less), and the pacing of the story telling. But I think overall, what Farrah did was take something personal and turn it into an account that others with the illness might get inspired by. She also took her story back from the tabloids and replaced mean spirited speculation with raw truth.

At the end of the documentary she asked “I’m still here. How are you? And what are you fighting for?”

Hyperlocal journalism. Local or just hyper?

2009-05-11T09:55:00.005-04:00

If you collect buzzwords or emerging social trends like a fashionista picking up cute shoes, you may have heard of “hyperlocal journalism”—a newish term for community-based reporting.

Unlike the average topical or corporate blog, the focus in the hyperlocal model is on a town or region, and the idea appears to be that a hyper-local site will report on everything worth noting from crime to the city council meeting to interesting social trends or business developments, only in a more lively way (embedded video/graphics) than could be done by a traditional newspaper—one supposes.

Patch is an example of this. Zachery Steward recently wrote that the New York Times is experimenting with two hyperlocal sites in Brooklyn and Northern New Jersey.

A few weeks ago, I attended a breakfast session sponsored by Cressa Partners that discussed the future of Newspapers. A Google expert, Stephen Arnold, with AIT, seemed to be saying that Google needed to be better partnered with and that web’s takeover of traditional media was a foregone conclusion. To even imagine a paper and electronic mix outside of the short-term was career suicide. So think digital.

Gordon Crovitz, founder of the online news service Factiva, was also a speaker. His take? Shave and delineate. Package information in useful tidbits. A frame is critical. Made sense to this writer/reporter, who's learned that what you leave out is almost as important as what you put in.

On the hyperlocal front was speaker Jeff Bogart, a former UPI reporter & Columbia University Alumni Association president, who has contributed The Christian Science Monitor, The New York Times and other print media. Bogart, as it turns out, has a hyperlocal e-newsletter focused on Hastings-on-Hudson in WestChester. Of the five men who spoke, Bogart seemed to be the most straight forward on having answers for news paper and content companies, rather than simply reminding the audience of how dyer it was getting for content makers in a world where new distribution models were cheapening their wares. What of the free web world? I think Bogart said it best: “There’s a lot of filler out there. A lot of special interest coverage that has nothing to do with news the way it was traditionally defined,” Bogart said.

He then went on to say that done correctly, hyperlocal reporting was a way to bring value to community-minded readers who liked traditional newspapers and would rather not read a lifestyle feature on decorating an apartment or the latest travails of Miley Cyrus and people like her. Made me think of setting up shop on 48th Street here in a Astoria. There’s an Italian grandma nearby who’s some 75 years young who could probably tell me a thing or two in if-these-walls-could-talk detail.

American Indians on PBS

2009-05-04T22:13:00.002-04:00

If you haven’t seen it, check out the PBS series We Shall Remain. Brilliant series. Makes you think of the original Americans in quite a new way. Beautifully shot.

Starting over

2009-05-04T19:51:00.003-04:00

Things happen and life shifts like wet sand under your feet...maybe it starts with a minor change in routine, then the shift gains momentum and leaves you with a brand new life, whether you want it or not. People leave, new characters show up in your personal drama, or you realize that your favorite color all these years is actually bland (pale blue) or unsuitable for you (eggplant). So you start to wear little else but navy. (Or black.)

Maybe you notice that there’s a particular song on the radio all the time, and it instantly becomes an impromptu soundtrack, the “the time when all I heard were Britney songs playing at the gym.” Maybe the sky takes on a particular minty blue cast or you notice the vague smell of spring flowers and coffee in the air out your front window. (One fall a few years ago, I smelled nothing but maple syrup for days.) Maybe some fad swells past first crest to the played out mainstream.(I may look back on the summer of 2008 and realize that it was, for me, the summer of Twitter, just the way I look back on the summer after 6th Grade as the summer of Kiss.) But you get the idea.

Someday, looking back on this time, the wet and erratic early spring of 2009, I'll probably remember it as a period when I sucked down dozens of cherry LifeSavers in a misguided effort to eat less dessert. I’ll think of it as a time when I lived on my computer, hunting down job sites as if they were rare desert flowers. I'll think of it as a time when I tried networking, or at least, the less relentless web 2.0 version. It will be a time when the only music I heard was the misty anthems that appear on House episodes. (It will be the season when House started to see Amber everywhere and finally slept with his boss.) It will be a time when I moved beyond anger and sheer momentum and began to make each move with calculating thought.

A high wire act that’s a la perfection

2009-04-26T20:52:00.004-04:00

Last night began sort of abysmally with another blistering Yankees loss to the Red Sox. The game drifted along for four plus hours like a killer sine wave, or an especially brutal tennis match. Ahead, behind, ahead, behind and so forth—until the score board registered double digits. (It was as if every pitcher for 10 miles had been corralled in and squeezed dry, to no avail.)

For me, it was one of those lackadaisical evenings, in unseasonably warm weather, that topped off a day of quiet regrouping. Relatively little productivity could be assessed or claimed. It was a day of rest, I suppose. Nowhere near cloud nine to begin with, the Yankees' loss had me sad, as if their “try try, try to succeed but fail anyway” coincided with every recent memory.

It was then that I popped in Man On Wire DVD about a 1974 wire walk between, yes, the World Trade Center Towers, with an open mind but no real demands except that I be soothed into bewitching hour. I was happily surprised to be pulled into this grand artistic effort of sky ballet, because Philippe Petit firmly insists the 45-minute, 140 ft. crossing (several times, including a lay down on the wire itself) is no stunt or circus act. “It is my ultimate poetic expression,” said Petit.

As the documentary rolled on I felt simultaneously interested, intrigued, dismayed, and ultimately quite pleased that somebody could walk a high wire, itself a kind sine wave, if a more subtle version of torque and gyration. It was as if such a beautiful, childlike thing could temporarily redeem everything that is shoddy and stale about mankind. My hands and feet began to perspire simply trying to image it. (I studied dance, but never gymnastics and the thought of a balance beam has me dizzy enough.)

James Marsh’s cleverly shot documentary (described by Wikipedia as structured loosely in a heist plot) owes a lot to modern documentary film makers like Errol Morris, who blend footage, clever reenactments, subtly humorous observations, and stunningly shot mood sequences to power the story forward. In this case, the subject—the compulsive, quirky Petit and his equally quirky pals—was a perfect match for the fun visuals. There was ample historical footage of Petit as an earnestly avant garde youth quaker aerialist, with a funny hat and juggling pins in tow. He and his band of merry henchman seemingly had nothing better to do but meticulously plan the wire walk. After several scenes of model making and pondering all the details of how to best thread the wire across the two towers, I did mutter once, “what did these people do for money?” (As for suspending the wire itself, I inevitably learned that fine wire and an arrow was somehow implicated, but I still don’t know exactly how they did it.)

When the film first broke out on the circuit, some noise was made about the fact that no mind was paid to the Tower’s inevitable destruction. But I agree with a critic, or perhaps the film maker, who said that story needed to be told elsewhere. This was a celebration of how someone with a consuming passion behaves. Usually, when I watch films like this I find myself desiring to compete in some way, or thirst to find a passion as consuming. This time, I could only marvel—and laugh when a NYC cop said, “I told his friend that he had to come down or a helicopter would pluck him off. Then his friend spoke in French, being that he was a Frenchman.”

Job Hunt 24.0

2009-04-21T16:40:00.005-04:00

Except for having taken a few freelance assignments, I’ve been unemployed for a little under two months. (Sometimes, I’ve taken to joking to my parents that I want to write a book called Living the HoboJoe Dream with Astoriagrrrl. They laugh uneasily, then urge me to get back to the drawing board.) My jobless time hasn’t spanned long enough to feel like a lifestyle, exactly, in the way that devotion to a sport like surfing or skateboarding allows form to follow function.

I experience it more like a very tense little limbo, or, being bound and gagged whilst staring at a to-do list three-feet long—or a game of mind control where you try very hard to stay calm and good in thought and deed even as good news appears to dwindle and the chatter of despair seems to rise like an unholy smoke.

The purpose of the game? To jump through 40 flaming hoops and not to let realities such as rising unemployment statistics and crazy competition stop your heart cold. But I digress... Rather than a lifestyle, my caesura has been long enough to know that some of the truisms that surface about the job hunt are worthy of their rep as sound advice. And so, I share them with you.

For instance, you’ll hear that during the stresses of unemployment, it’s important to manage your moods, or at least, become aware of them. Hidden anger, you are told is not your friend. Neither is hidden sadness, hidden resentment, hidden desire or the unhidden whiff of victimhood. In fact, safe to say, it’s best to avoid getting into a mental state in which you would feel justified acting like Gregory House under any circumstances. (This may be phrased in terms like, “Check in with how you feel. Try to stay upbeat.”)

You will also be told not to isolate yourself. This might be phrased as follows: “Try not to get so involved with your computer during the search that you forget to get out and talk to people.” You will also be told that talking to the check out clerk at the supermarket doesn’t count, which kind of annoyed me because I actually liked my check-out guy as well as the blind man that bags my groceries each week.

You’ll hear things like, maintain your health and keep your look together (i.e., good cut, color, eyebrows shaped, etc). Get your best interview clothing ready to don at an hour’s notice. (Because you never know.) Make sure your resume sells your skills. Sell yourself—but don’t be too eager. Show enthusiasm, but don’t act as if you are on five cups of coffee at all times. Be smart and concise in your answers, but don’t be too knowing, or glow brighter than a 1000 watt bulb and so on.

But then you’ll also hear, “The time to sell yourself and network is when you have a job you already like.” (Uh-oh. That’s water near a bridge, aye?) You’ll hear that face-to-face networking is the only way to go. You’ll hear that job boards should be used, but understand that they are practically useless. (I think of this as a kind of job search koan.) You’ll also hear (sorry HR people) that “HR is not your friend.” You’ll hear “people will read your resume for 40 seconds, 70 seconds, 10 seconds.” (So, long enough to catch that typo that will put you out of the running, but not much longer.) Recruiters in various forms may be your friends. It depends. But nevertheless, be friendly.

You’ll hear—again and again—that looking for work is and ought to be a full-time job. With this last point I strongly concur. I’ve spent hours scoping out job boards, recruitment sites, and social networking sites. Yes, I’ve even gone to a few career fairs actually meeting with other humans.

A job search involves a significant amount of administrative work as well as strategic thinking and soul searching. You can spend hours and hours each day just exploring cyberland alone. There are the general boards of CareerBuilder and Monster ilk. There are the narrowcast sites. (For me JournalismJobs is one.) There are sites associated with professional organizations. (One I’m checking out is Society of Business Editors and Writers, Inc. AKA http://www.sabew.org) So you will have a lot of places to look up, check in, and perhaps rule out.

Then there’s the networking that everyone tells you to do, but that I have very little experience in actually doing. This point was hammered home while I was attending a how-to-job-find session at the Five O’Clock Club on a very rainy, even dreadful Monday night. And so I’m digging in deeper—that will mean some reading assignments and engaging in behaviors way outside of my comfort zone. (I will definitely monitor my moods as I try it.)

Of course, I’m trying to keep my wits about me and my black humor is one way to cope. But please, despite my need to have a laugh, don’t think that I think I’m above all of this. Because something I’ve noticed about this period in my life is that my caesura is forcing me to really look around me and see people, not “auto watch” them and make assumptions. And, as I looked around the room at the Five O’Clock club the other evening, I saw so many earnest, well spoken, well intentioned, (and mostly experienced) people also trying hard to be better searchers, that I found myself almost wanting to smile. Then I took a big breath and began to try again.

Annoying words—and a few words I like

2009-04-15T21:38:00.007-04:00

At one point over the Easter weekend my sister and I found ourselves in a Seinfeldian conversation about phrases that really annoy us. She said she disliked “happy camper”—as in, “Gee, she’s not a happy camper.” [Apparently, some of the people she deals with in Hackettstown, N.J. never got the memo that it’s a tad outdated.] 2. Somebody that puts air quotes around anything they say. 3. Somebody that uses the term “allegedly,” as in “Allegedly, she’s got a personality.”

I said that I hated when gym instructors used the term “cardio” every two minutes, as if it were a scientific term. I’m also pretty over use of the term “abs.” [Maybe because mine never get as flat as they are supposed to get, despite the completion of numerous exercises that feel like torture.]

But some slang is fun. I like the term “hacktacular,” as in “Hey guy, you’re a hacktacular wreck today.” Another term I like is “frankenrhino,” heard on Fox TV’s Fringe on Tuesday evening. [It referred to a genetically engineered beast that was one part bat to three parts giant gila monster—with an eye of newt and toe of frog thrown in for good measure.]

Back in 2007, Oxford researchers listed the top ten most annoying phrases that made the rounds on the blogs. Here they are, in case you never saw or you’ve forgotten:

1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It’s a nightmare {which I actually like—and unfortunately, it often is}
8 - Shouldn’t of
9 - 24/7
10 - It’s not rocket science

For fun, see how many sentences you can make up using all the phrases. “Like, at the end of the day, how bad could it be because, I may be seeking work with a whole lotta other folks, but I’m fairly unique and I personally think that, at this moment in time, with all due respect to the naysayers, and despite the fact that it feels like an absolute nightmare which shouldn’t of happened—it will, like, work out... and I know that most jobs out there aren’t rocket science and I’m totally sure that I’ll be working soon. Besides, you can’t work 24/7. Rilly.

Too sick to work? No chemo for you.

2009-04-05T19:24:00.008-04:00

60 Minutes ran a segment on the closing of an outpatient cancer clinic at a public hospital in Nevada as a result of the state’s budget crisis.

Predictably, the weakest, sickest, and least able to cope were shown to have paid the biggest price for the financial speculation and mismanagement of others—call it the actual karmic domino effect: the weak don’t inherit anything but trouble. (That is, everything can’t be paid for when the economy comes tumbling down—and if you’re the federal government the Wall Street bailout has you pretty strapped.)

Everyone who appeared in the segment was scrambling for care. Some, of course, were too weak to scramble very much. One woman, had become so stricken she lost her job, had her insurance canceled, and her sick bed taken a way from her—the latter from the helpful repo man. (Til 60 Minutes called the insurance company on her behalf and “straightened things out.”) The piece was quietly provocative and illustrated our actual interconnection. Gets you thinking that your misdeeds may not be your own.

Gee...I sound awfully judgmental. (And I’ve been working so hard on my anger management.) Tough.

One mark of a civilization is how well it treats it’s weakest and poorest. You’ve heard this one before, right? Meanwhile, a phone call by 60 Minutes shouldn’t mean the difference between a company doing the right thing and calling a newly diagnosed condition the basis for a policy cancellation. Bailout advice, Washington? Anyone??

Labute’s beauty obsession: he’s not the only one

2009-04-01T20:53:00.009-04:00

Like many who like the theater but aren’t crazy about musicals, I’m into the serious, provocative, or the strange, with plenty of drama in evidence when it comes to the theater I consume. (The way I see it, there’s plenty of comforting fare on television—and on NetFlix—if I need a strong dose of baseless optimism. The theater can rise above emotional pandering as long as it is interesting.)

Once I’m working full-time again and not so fearful to spend each dime, Neil LaBute’s “Reasons to be Pretty” will be at the top of my list. It is exactly the kind of work I find compelling, because he plays with language and—along with riling me up by pressing all my buttons—he presents a truth I recognize.

In a piece written about LaBute by the New York Times writer Pat Jordan notes, “LaBute’s anger appears to be directed at humanity, as if, collectively, mankind had done him a great hurt and he is paying it back, bit by bit.” Hmmm. I guess you’d call it, theater as bully pulpit.

Anyone who saw “In the Company of Men” knows LaBute comes off as a bit of a misanthrope, or at very least, seems to be aware that many people can be hard to like and a struggle to do much more than interact with politely.

In his world, people aren’t all that good, or even all that nice—except in the most transparent and self-serving ways. While LaBute exaggerates this tendency, he isn’t exactly off point—is he?

In “Reasons,” reviews say, the female lead gets antagonistic when her boyfriend calls her face “regular” or something similar. Think back, girls. If I guy said you “weren’t really pretty”—I’ve had it said to me—you weren’t exactly radiating pure light in a gushing response, were you?

In interviews, LaBute has said that pretty people, especially pretty men, tend to engage in bad behavior and get a pass on it, and that, for that reason, he is on his guard with them. Probably a smart move—certainly, I’ve learned it’s better not to fawn, especially when fawning is the expectation.

As for critics who say Neil’s just about being shocking, I get a different impression. In showing us a mirror of some of our worst behavior and exaggerating it, I think he has succeeded in updating the morality play. These aren’t times for being subtle or ambiguous in your expression.

I’m not clear if LaBute thinks that hatefulness is Man’s essential—and fixed—nature or if he believes, instead, that most people don’t do the work that goodness requires. At least if the latter is the case, his world view would allow that actual goodness was possible.

Besides, if LaBute was just a shock guy, I think his following would have long ago withered. And, what of his beauty obsession? Nearly everyone I know has one—the reasons to be pretty are numerous, as are the reasons to be rich. Sure, if you mature and learn to be kind, you see beyond advantage. But to deny that advantage is what you’re after? Well, if you aren’t honest about it, you’re not really playing the game called life.

Zombies!

2009-03-31T16:56:00.001-04:00

We'll get our hands on some semi-automatics and rip off their faces. If we're really smart, we'll figure out a way to market the shoot out as a war game (assuming the zombies are in regular supply) and even video it all as the ultimate reality show. Fox will sponsor it.

I get my news from the Internet

2009-03-31T16:42:00.001-04:00

Right now, I'm out of work, so it's the cheapest option. But actually, once I'm working full-time again, I plan to get all my news ported over to Kindle. I read today, someplace online, that Huffington Post is planning to fund an investigative journalism unit. Smart move. Real journalism costs. Can't get the good stuff for free.

I could eat nothing but thai noodles, pad thai for a year

2009-03-30T19:41:00.001-04:00

Pad Thai Vegetarian - Spicy Noodle by avlxyz

Thai food. I'd cycle between the nerve deadening spicy dishes and the stuff with little else but coconut and lime flavors. Yummy!

Don't say 'Widget' around me

2009-03-29T20:11:00.001-04:00

Widget
It sounds like gadget and wedgie all mixed up. I keep visualizing underpants caught up in a greasy bicycle gear.

Traction
It’s BS corporate speak. Kinda like “leverage,” it’s meant to sound sophisticated but it just sounds like the speaker is trying to say as little as possible in order to float something shady.

Hot
Not as in “warm,” but as in “sexy.” It sounds retarded. “He’s hooooot. She’s hooot.” I wanna say, really? Maybe a cold shower would help...or maybe he (or she) should go to the emergency room.

I can't believe I did that

2009-03-29T20:02:00.001-04:00

I challenged a very pretty, very popular second grader, Jenny S., to a race. It was so out of character, to this day I have no idea what compelled me to do it. I had my Pro Keds on and everything. I used my arms, I squinted my eyes, I didn't stop moving my feet, but I lost by several yards. And 20 kids were watching.

You need this flying car

2009-03-29T19:56:00.001-04:00

“Buy into this early prototype and you can tell your friends, business cohorts, and neighbors that you took a leap of faith on the ‘flying edge’.” Keep it parked on your lawn and use it as a fabulous party prop and conversation piece." If that didn't work, I'd tell them they could give it to an annoying relative...

I demand $3 million dollars and no accountability

2009-03-29T19:44:00.001-04:00

$3 million dollars and no accountability
I think of it as a mini-TARP or the "Save Astoriagrrrl" Foundation.

my own talk show.
I’m very opinionated and, though I haven't felt like talking much lately, usually have plenty to say. Banter and silly personal questions? No problem.

to know why nobody cares what I had for lunch.
Sure, sometimes it's rather pedestrian, like PB&J on whole grain bread. But sometimes it's verging on sophistication: something airy like a frittata with a side of asparagus and a glass of Pinot Grigio. Somebody just might find that compelling copy.

Where the Wild Things Are brings me back

2009-03-29T19:31:00.001-04:00

Reading in bed with my mother, about 1970, when I was five and my sister was three. I loved the art in this book. Sometimes, I'd flip through the book and tell my own story. I thought it was magical.

Seat me next to the quiet starer, please

2009-03-29T19:15:00.001-04:00

I’ll take the starer. Lately, I’ve been a little “low energy,” and the talkative person would be irritating. (But, like the Poppy character in Mike Leigh's Happy-Go-Lucky, I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings, so I would feel compelled to join in if the person started talking.) This is one reason why I carry a book and notebook with me at all times. It’s better than actually looking at my fellow man on the V or R train, especially during the testy morning rush hour.

Deconstructing Poppy

2009-03-29T17:32:00.008-04:00

At the urging of a FB connection, I finally checked out Happy-Go-Lucky, Mike Leigh’s most recent glimpse into the milieu of working class London. This time, Leigh offers a personality study at the intersection of two very different types of people. The first, a plucky, light-hearted 30-year-old primary school teacher and the second, a pessimistic driving instructor who barely can keep a lid on his class resentment and social rage.

Over the month or so that we see the characters meet each Saturday at noon, we get a bird’s eye view into the conflict-freighted personality clashes, behind the wheel of one of those tiny cars that make a Honda’s interior look expansive. As one of the actors said on DVD commentary, the result is funny, sad, and a bit creepy.

Pauline, known as Poppy, is a kooky, cheerful sort of gal who rattles bangles and seems in constant motion, looking at a bit like a down-at-heel PJ Harvey in screaming pinks, cherry reds, and blues. The camera is most often with her, as she spends her days with her flatmate, sisters, and students. We tag along with her—at the pub, and on the trampoline, of course, where she floats skyward as if seeking a richer form of oxygen.

As many reviewers of the film have noted, Poppy takes the high road when encountering others. She interacts with others by offering a joke, a kind word, a self deprecating sort of gesture or comment—probably designed to warm, disarm, and cheer up the other, whether friend, tube traveler, or shop keeper. Yet, these maneuvers aren’t for her own gain, nor does she take herself very seriously. You don’t get the sense, for instance, that this woman has read some career manual and is trying to network. Nor is she trying to speed date or even make new friends.

She complains precious little, and if she doesn’t always see the “bright side” of a given situation she at least chooses her words carefully to only comment on the bright side, or it’s lessor cousins: the absurd side, which makes for a good yarn later; the ridiculous side, which is always good for a snort or two; and the side of the profoundly silly, which likewise can ease a momentary tension with a giggle.

As I watched Poppy going through her motions I found myself thinking, this is a woman who comforts herself with an iron-willed belief in the power of goodwill. She dispels gloom with a loud, gleeful laugh. (Probably the way many standups do, Poppy thinks: “Hey, this isn’t horrid, it’s the raw stuff that will birth material.”)

In DVD commentary Mike Leigh called Poppy a laughing Buddha. A humble gal that just wants to make the people around her feel good. Such seemed to be the case with her driving instructor, who she tried to be silly and warm with, but to no avail. At the risk of ruining the film with a spoiler, I’ll say that she can’t float the dismal, dense man. He’s too damaged. At least one reviewer called Happy a study of the limitation of goodness.

If there is one scene that stays with me its Poppy interacting with a homeless man as if the two are speaking a magical language. I saw pieces of myself in Poppy. (Although, truth be told I identified with her bratty younger sister and sassy roommie as well.) I find myself thinking of the lyrics to “smile, though your heart is breaking.”

More on Tent Cities

2009-03-26T16:38:00.005-04:00

It looks like I’m not the only one who’s got tent cities on the brain. The New York Times has a good article on the phenom.

As the NYT notes, “these new tent cities have taken root—or grown from smaller enclaves of the homeless as more people lose jobs and housing—in such disparate places as Nashville, Olympia, Wash., and St. Petersburg, Fla.”

Basically, it’s not just the heartless major metro areas struggling with folks who cannot sustain hearth and home.

“In Seattle,” NYT writes, “homeless residents in the city’s 100-person encampment call it Nickelsville, an unflattering reference to the mayor, Greg Nickels.” [More gallows humor, I suppose.]

Not all the residents are stereotypical homeless: that is, chronically so and suffering mental illness and/or extreme substance abuse. Some of them are new to the tent city in question, victims of the recession.

As I write this, the radio is blaring in the background. An economist being interviewed by conservative talk show host has indicated that, in his ardent opinion, the recession will be done by the end of the year. I hope so. It won’t be too soon.

The nose knows? It’s an odorprint.

2009-03-25T17:08:00.005-04:00

Tooling around the web this afternoon I found an article on Slate about odorprints that I almost turned my nose up at, but out of passing curiosity did not.

Repulsive as it might seem, it turns out that everyone has a signature scent, a personal perfume of “acids, alcohols, aldehydes, hydrocarbons, esters, ketones, and nitrogen-containing compounds.” Yummy. Apparently, it’s the way mothers can pick out their babies, although I have no idea exactly how this fact was established. The Department of Homeland Security wants to study how a “smell print” might be used to catch evildoers and gangstas, even catching those culpable in the act of lying.

The article goes on to explore whether families have signature scents. While it might strike you as a senseless pursuit, I found myself thinking of all the good that DNA testing has done in the crime fighting sphere. Why not put your nose to grindstone and see what comes up?

Funny enough, I had a conversation about smells with my family earlier today, at an early lunch pow wow in Mt. Pilot (oops, Manhattan). I thanked my mother for giving me a Citrus and Sage Yankee candle. I said, “I can control the smells in my own apartment, but the building itself is odor challenged. This will help!” My AK replied, “Well you can’t smell your own stink, you have to watch out for everyone else’s.” Just another day in the life of Astoriagrrrl. (Feel better A.)

Tent cities in the U.S.

2009-03-24T20:48:00.003-04:00

I‘m watching Prez O’s press conference and a reporter asked him how he felt about the rise of tent cities across the U.S. It was news to me. I found an AP article talking about this very sad phenomenon. I plan to find out more about this. Shelters, apparently, are filled to capacity in many cities. Shades of 1906 in San Francisco.

New QuickRandomThoughts

2009-03-24T18:52:00.005-04:00

1. According to a book of mine, “Beside Ourselves,” Our Hidden Personality in Everyday Life by Naomi L. Quenk, Victor Hugo in 1988 wrote “forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.” (I think it was supposed to be comforting.) Naomi goes on to say that a person’s forties is a critical transitional decade, one which can be both enhancing and destructive in causing people to come to terms with neglected parts of their psyche. (Cliff Notes: You, like me, have an inferior personality and a dominant one. Think of the inferior as the whisperer; the hidden, shadow self that leaks out under certain circumstances...) So, if you’re in your forties, expect your shadow man—or woman—to come out and play, if it hasn’t already. At nearly 44, I don’t know if I should be excited or hide under my bed.

2. The best vanilla ice cream is Blue Bunny.

3. Michael Savage has a new nickname for Prez O. He calls him “giggles.” It’s a little mean, but Mr. Savage is the champ of amusing monikers. (The prez did seem a little light headed on 60 Minutes.) Savage, by the way, is quite sure Prez O has us on the fast track to banana republic status. I don’t agree, but I do feel that these are dangerous times.

4. Another book I looked at today is one of Krishnamurti’s—namely, “Think on These Things.” Chapter 25, To Live Effortlessly says this: “Have you ever wondered why it is that people grow older and they seem to lose all their joy in life?” He goes on to say that as most people age, they grow worn and bitter because they struggle, nearly constantly against the stream of reality. He then asks, like a boat moving with the wind, can we find a different way? (I haven’t yet, but reading Krishnamurti makes me want to try—yet again.)

5. If you adore modern furniture, check out CB2, The stuff is gorgeous.

My new not-so-guilty pleasure (Wonderfalls)

2009-03-22T20:55:00.006-04:00

Whenever I’m feeling not-so-hot and the shellac of the real world seems especially dingy, I self-soothe by reading or watching the equivalent of comfort food. (Say what you will about fiction, but most of it has got an understandable structure, which softens the randomness of the world just a little... because it gives you a sense that, hey, you can figure it all out somehow. I mean, you figured out what was going on with the book, right?)

When it comes to comfort reading, a police procedural does the trick. (To anyone who knows me or who’s read my “25 Things” on FaceBook, this is old news.) Between the puzzle and the details of the hunt I defy you, reader, not to forget your actual life and the crisis of the moment. (I mean, don’t forget them permanently, but a couple of hours can’t hurt. Think of it as a brief “airing out of the brain.” Who needs an endocrine system working overtime when you’re trying to kick out the jams on your problems?)

Besides, as you probably know, most crime fiction offers the ultimately satisfying possibility of justice—that’s its ultimate appeal.

As for comfort television, extremes work the best to tame my inner beast. First, there’s those plots and themes rife with so much trouble and darkness and foul odor that they offer little possibility for redemption (in which case I admire the moral courage or sheer audacity of the leading guy or gal as they shake down dragons anyway). “Breaking Bad” falls into this first category.

Then there are those shows with nothing but flirty, light hopefulness to offer.

You’d think the second type of program might be annoying for a woman who’s life often feels like it’s been presented with one kiddy-orange-colored road block after another. Not so. In a certain mood, I get sucked in enough, that I become one of the characters experiencing all the good, hopeful turns for an hour or two. Sure, it’s virtual happiness, but what the heck. It still brightens my mood, so no harm no foul.

Lately, I’ve been hovering on the light, bright, hopeful end of the spectrum with a little confection called Wonderfalls, a canceled-but-brilliant program created by Todd Holland that ran a season in 2004. (Thanks goodness for NetFlix.) It starred Caroline Dhavernas as 20-something Brown philosophy graduate, Jaye, with a little hidden problem, (beyond the more obvious one of an under-achieving if hipster-looking lifestyle): objects with faces, trinkets, stuffed animals, even a monkey sculpture, talk to her, saying quasi mystical things like:

“Mend what is broken.” Or “Girl needs a boy.” Or “Find them and tell them.” And so on.

These Fortune cookie messages, from cow creamers, pink flamingo lawn decorations, little wax lions with misshapen faces, lead Jaye into a series of kooky, little adventures of an Ugly Betty variety, albeit, in and around Niagara Falls and with fewer city slickers. Good things and trying things happen in Jaye’s world, but the universe ultimately reveals itself to be a benevolent place. What do I most adore about shows like this? Not so much the fact that everyone finds what they’re after.... but that people—despite being bright and sarcastic and sometimes selfish ultimately show themselves to care and show the capacity to think about somebody besides themselves. Now that’s wish fulfillment with a little nourishment.

Not everybody’s diggin’ Glenn

2009-03-18T17:29:00.006-04:00

Glenn Beck is on my tv again and I’ve already had a few belly laughs ten or so minutes into the program. Gotta give him his props for entertainment value alone. But not everyone is lovin’ the Glenn man and his antics.

I found this on Politico:

Frum: ‘What the hell is going on at Fox News?’

Following up on his recent Newsweek cover story knocking Rush Limbaugh, former Bush speechwriter David Frum takes on another leading right-wing talker, Fox’s Glenn Beck.

Beck’s pulling in great ratings at Fox, but Frum’s not into it. He asks: “What the hell is going on at Fox News?”

Frum caught Beck’s special last Friday—opening clip above—and writes that he “promotes sinister conspiracy theories” on air.

There’s always been a market for this junk of course. Once that market was reached via mimeographed newsletters. Now it’s being tapped by Fox News.

(Yours truly, Astoriagrrrl, tried to post a link but was unable. Ooooo-eeee-oooo.)

AIG fatigue—I get it.

2009-03-18T15:15:00.002-04:00

AIG CEO Edward Liddy has shown remarkable poise despite the two-hour (or more) grilling he took from the congressional Financial Services subcommittee members regarding bonus gate.

Between attempting to explain the nuances of retention vs. performance bonuses, to going over, multiple times, to the break down of how the monies being lent to AIG are being put to use, I, as mere spectator, was beginning to get all nervous and jerky. Imagine how he felt? To sit there, spotlight upon you, as you deal with negative characterizations of the firm, Wall Street culture, and even a personal insult or two—it couldn’t have been easy. I’m sure Liddy will need a stiff drink tonight.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m as miffed as the next guy over what appears to be an arrogant disregard for the flailing economy. Taking bonuses at a time when many (including yours truly) are jobless—and jobless due to a recession that AIG itself had a material part in creating? Well, it seems more than utterly tone deaf to public perception. It seems crass.

On the other hand, the death threats being leveled against the ruddy faced, plain spoken Liddy (who, by all accounts, did not sanction the bonuses) makes me wonder who out there isn’t taking his or her medication. Keep in mind that Liddy is being paid $1 for his role in the rescue. He took himself out of retirement to help the embattled insurer figure things out. He’s not the man you want to hang or fry. Really, peeps, murder and mob rule—it’s uncivilized.

As for the subcommittee hearings, they are, to point, an interesting sort of civics lesson. Barney Frank (who I like) and a few other characters ARE worth watching for their shrewd grit and decent questions. Everyone else I tend to think of as the tattered and discredited members of the grandstanding parade: as I write this Shepard Smith reports that Congress took a provision out of the bailout bill (regarding bonuses). Had Congress left it in, per Smith, then they would have been in a stronger position to stand down AIG now, apparently.

During his remarks leading up to a break in the hearing, Liddy said his fear was that customers of AIG would get “AIG fatigue” if matters regarding the financial crises aren’t “wound down.” (Translation: exposures evaluated and priced, repriced—I think.) I can relate. I’ve got fatigue and it’s only been two days since bonus-related coverage started. Closing note: Senator Claire McCaskill just said, “stop the deference to the culture of Wall Street.” She’s earnest and a little overbearing, but I can’t help but agree. Sen. Barbara Mikulsky, who looks like she’s wearing a Snuggie with a collar, according to a friend of mine, said AIG stands for “Ain't I Greedy.” I may not dig her fashion sense, but I like her sharp mouthed populism.

Yankees fighting it out—and up

2009-03-14T19:23:00.002-04:00

Originally posted on MySpace
June 20, 2007 - Wednesday

Category: Sports
As they begin to climb out of the 18-ft. deep hole they occupied Jeets and gang and their standing reminds me of the adage, it ain’t over til the fat lady sings the National Anthem, or something like that. Yesterday’s game against the Mets (Yankees 11, Mets 8) was particularly gratifying. My man Jeets, according to the NYTimes, “was the most valuable player when the Yankees beat the Mets in the 2000 World Series, and he has never stopped torturing the team across town.” Well written. Obviously, Jeter is a contributor in every way possible, but it’s always nice when his hitting gets flashy. Yesterday he had four, including a fourth inning homer. What I love about Jeter as a player is that he contributes in the low key, gum chewing, and ultimately knowing way. It’s not cockiness if you can stand and deliver. And, props to his former best bud ARod, who slammed his 26th homer up to the nose bleed section.
I could go on and on, but as I’m no sports writer, I’ll just give you this sense of what I’m struggling with to learn the game. At one point, as Posada is laboring toward home base, one of the announcers is mentioning that he’s not a good runner, “speedwise.” I turn to M and ask, “what does that mean? Is there any other way to be a good runner?” (It turns out there is, and it has to do with reading the “play of the ball” as you are base running or something like that, knowing when to proceed and when to hang back.)
Anyway, good news for all of us who love the Yanks despite some of their evil empire attributes. It comes just in time to resurrect the self-esteem of the diehard, life long fan. Here, I think of my Dad and Uncle(s) Dan, Lenny, and Neil. (And a happy Father’s Day to them all.) The Yanks’ troubling May phase was met by crowing here in Queens, which was getting tiresome. Nearly a month ago, now, I was at a local florists waiting on a bouquet of greens and carnations (the right type are way beyond filler flower) and got into a friendly ribbing match with a guy who was ordering up a belated Mother’s Day arrangement. The girl working there was also a Yankee’s fan. He was a Met’s dude, ultimately headed to a Sunday night game, to be broadcast by ESPN. Full of ambient glee, this man of a solid 230 lb. or so practically pirouetted in the flower shop as he discussed ARod’s sudden collapse into non-hitting, JaDay’s equally sudden flatness, and Joe’s evident desperation. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Torre lost his job over this, and you know it's a shame,” he said, in a tone that conveyed anything but sorrow. Well, as we celebrate Father’s Day, I’m happy to report, the Yankee’s are showing a predatory, second wind.

More QuickRandomThoughts

2009-03-14T19:10:00.006-04:00

First published on MySpace
February 15, 2008 - Friday

Category: Life
1. A new book, “The Age of American Unreason,” written by Susan Jacoby, posits that a new and deadly strain of American anti-intellectualism is fowling our shore: to sum it up, many believe, she writes, that know too much is not only useless, it’s “a bad thing.” She joins what the New York Times calls a circle of curmudgeons—among them Eric Wilson and Lee Siegel—who also wrote books popular this season (“Against Happiness” and “Against the Machine: Being Human in an Electronic Mob”) about the internet-inspired solipsism, intellectual laziness, and debased discourse that devalue factual knowledge in the forms of history, social studies, even basic geographic awareness. Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

2. Slate has a video essay called “Interviews 50 Cents.” I’m still not clear who pays who, but basically, anybody happening upon the interview table can sit down and tell their story. For instance at Indianapolis, at the race track, a few talkative souls had this to say...(www.slatev.com)

3. Another winner from Fimoculous—Not Quite What I was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. Could you write your memoir in six words? I’m not sure I could. Here’s a rough first draft: Wanted so much—out damned greed. (Another book that Amazon liked, “The thing about life is that one day you’ll be dead” by David Shields.)

4. If you want a little junk in your trunk, check out Celebrity Babylon (www.celebritybabylon.com) or old darling TMZ (www.tmz.com.) Oh no? Well then, the Economist (www.economist.com) might be a better fit for more poker-faced and contemplative minds.

5. The Slang O’ The Day gadget I enabled on my iGoogle (customized search engine home page) tells me that bub, in contemporary parlance, means “stupid or dumb,” as in “That math test was really bub.” Get the 611, means, to get help. “I need to get the 611 on how to get the hell out of here.”

Figuring out Glenn Beck—all alone

2009-03-13T20:43:00.000-04:00

Glenn is an interesting dude. First, being about my age, he uses phrases like "dude" in public as a left over verbal tick from extreme youth. (Okay, so maybe I'm projecting.) This is annoying, but he knows it's annoying and does it anyway, which means that he's not overly interested in being a people pleaser despite his stance as a populist. Way to go, bruh-ski.

(The crazy 80s was a dude period, trust me. It was, like, tubular—and I don't mean in a good way. Between the pouffed out hair, too much purple and neon green, and the done and dusted 60s values gone stale, it was anything but a hipster heaven. As I recall it, being 17 in Northern NJ in 1983 was like being surrounded by remember-when-the-revolution tall tales whilst stranded too far from England to puncture my nostril with a safety pin and date Johnny Rotten. Cowabunga!)

Sure, today's youngsters say "dude," but they say it with the unwitting grimness—or untutored blandness—of children unaware of previous generations of dude sayers. So it's materially different when he says it or they do. But I digress...

So, back to fascinating Glenn. Why does he feed the bulldog? Well, he's emphatic, which always garners my approval. Too many people drip, drip, drip through life and look like they need some electroshock just to utter a "howdie doo," but he takes a stance on things. Many things. Sometimes, this stance-taking is a little overblown, but at least it's specific. He's pretty funny, too, with a highly mobile face that signals sarcasm, sincerity, and skepticism in addition to whatever else he's trying to convey as he connects with his peeps. (A friend of mine describes his visage as "rubbery." So be it.)

I'm not a Glenn peep, but I have become a Glenn watcher. If I had to put my finger on why, I'd say, I can relate, a bit, despite political differences, to his utter dismay at how quickly special interests appear to be hijacking this country. (Sure, you could argue they always have, but the takeover is getting more blatant—and arrogant.) I kind of dig his every man stance, too, even if I am far left of him. Some of this kinship is simply because he lacks a bubble hairdo and dayglow choppers, so he seems more real then most talking tv heads. My Aunt thinks he's adorable and while he's not my type, he's definitely got a boyish something. Impish glee perhaps.

I don't know if he's crazy with this new movement of his, "you are not alone," or simply hip to the power of a viral meme. It may never inch off the ground or it might just be the social revolution he intends. At least he gives a ____.

All good? Well, no, actually. But maybe that’s okay too

2009-03-11T14:05:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was one of taking yoga then tying up loose ends at the ex-office, engaging in various job-searching tasks, and logging in a beauty chore or two. In other words, it was “a day in the life” as a newly unemployed person—the quasi-structured reality I will be occupying for now. I think of it not as the “dead zone,” or even the “frantic zone,” exactly. It’s more like the hermetically sealed zone of the tainted. But I digress...

In the evening, I decompressed with a look at a documentary called Dig! about two bands: Brian Jonestown Massacre and The Dandy Warhols, the latter of which sounded vaguely familiar when I was perusing the doc list on NetFlix and took a chance. I admit, it was pure curiosity rather than my aging but still present love of indie rock that prompted the selection.

Back in the day I wanted to do a documentary about so-called garage bands—those scrappy efforts from boys and girls of varying ability.(For those that know me a long time, forgive resorting to oldies but goodies.) I wanted to call it “The Problem of Too Many Bands,” because from my perspective as an open-mic dweller and sometime singer/songwriter, too many people wanted to be on stage. If everybody was up there, than nobody would be the audience. Hence the title. For many reasons the project never got very far, but I always thought tracking bands over time was a good conceit.

Dig! does just that. What’s good about it as a documentary is that it has the same rough hewn raw presentation as the bands it covers—these were mad shambling boys (and gals) at certain points in their histories during the 90s and previously in this decade. You see the drug use, the childish behavior, and hear vague hints of more serious creative discontent. Both of these acts managed, despite it all, to get signed (albeit BJM, despite the appeal of their retro 60s blues psychedelia, blew it by standard measure—with king sized addictions, stage fights, arrests and artistic differences.)

The Dandies were more of a play-by-the-rules sort—and they were rewarded accordingly.

BJM was inhabited by a handsome, out there, mad genius of a man, Anton Newcombe, who has, (in the words of others) “legions of fans fiendish for his every utterance.” Though charismatic and charming, he wasn’t a good guy by conventional standards. You couldn't count on him: he struck me as, in his 20s anyway, a creature of extreme moods and a thin connection with reality. He would have driven me up a wall, and I loved cute grungy rocker boys more than anyone at one time. But still. All of this got me to thinking, I guess everybody has a role to play in the cosmos. We all can’t be well adjusted, plastic eager beavers. Certainly, I’m not going to find a sitar and drop out, at least a decade too late, but I admit it, there’s a part of me that wishes I had acted on my inner bratty Anton just a little more. Back to my sober, grown up freelance assignment!

It stays the same for years—until it changes.

2009-03-09T14:07:00.000-04:00

As I sit here writing this entry, press secretary for the Obama Administration, Robert Gibbs, is addressing tough questions about the fate of cloning and the lift of the ban on stem cell research, the plan for an economic jump start, and other elements of the far flung presidential agenda—in other words, a typical daily briefing in the waning winter weeks of 2009.

Questions from the press have been urgent, even if the mood is somewhat routine, considering. Nobody is sure how the fire started, and everyone knows it's burning too hot, fast, and bright—it's as if whole industries are on fire and pieces of the country are collapsing into the ocean. Yet, gamely, the Obama Administration is moving forward with other aspects of its epic agenda. Hence, the lift of the ban.

And, I couldn't be happier. Stem cells might lead to life extending treatments and even cures of major diseases. It will take at least a decade, but something good will come of it. In other words, when the fire burns itself out, we will find a way to move on.

Gibbs, I can't help but notice, speaks with the measured pacing of a man schooled in blending talking points with a touch of irritable common sense: "well duh," his delivery and demeanor seems to be suggesting, "we ARE dealing with a comprehensive crisis right now—hence, our attempt at a comprehensive response."

And the mess is truly staggering. Nobody, red state or blue, is going to sprint through this.

Reality has shifted.

A year ago, I had a bit of "sameness fatigue." Call it, the exhaustion of having lived a very similar daily existence for at least 5 years and feeling frustration at a lack of progress on some fronts. Sure, the assignments had gradually changed. I wrote news, after all. There was always something different to learn about. But my process, my work neighborhood, my weekly routines, had a sameness that was comforting if a tad stifling. I had to keep reminding myself how attractive my work neighborhood was. Sure, I didn't live there, but working there wasn't bad. But I still had bad moments. "It's never going to change," I said to myself, ye olde drama queen that I can be. But then a quieter voice would say, "until it changes."

And suddenly it has with a pink slip—no more old routine, but a new one. I have to find a job in this neo recession. My parents won't let me live on the street but I could be a guest in the bedroom I grew up in at 43 on the cusp of 44. Hmmm. Troubling times. Yes, the world is burning. I guess I better take a deep breath, pick up my fire hose, and get ready to fight.

Living in the past? No, but appreciating it more.

2009-03-01T19:39:00.001-05:00

This Christmas, my father (called “GrooveMan Jack” because of a rock music addiction) gave me dozens of old photos from my childhood that he’d digitized. And we’re talking serious oldies. Me at 3 years old with a doll I called “Nosarotarita.” Me at 4, and 7 (I think), in my favorite purple dress.

In several shots, my sister, R tre, was looking like a wide-eyed, fluffy headed doll in her now chic retro-looking carriage. Even if she ticked me off to the nth degree, (and she really hasn’t in years) I don’t think I could ever be mad at her again, just because of the way she looks in those pictures.

Adorable as those golden oldies all were, I accepted my own copies with a shot of ambivalence.

True, I’d enjoyed a slide show during the Easter of 2007, which was otherwise hushed and needed a conversational anchor. Who wouldn’t get a kick out of family portraits and all those things from a banished time: pill box hats and gloves worn on ordinary Sundays? The menfolk dressed up in skinny striped ties, then, sporting wide ties, then wearing skinny ties again. Milk boxes on front porches. Bikes with banana seats.

And so many different periods. Pictures of Groovie when he wore a crew cut, then a white-man-fro, and mom with more looks then a hair model. (These include the sleek bob, middle-part look of a hootenanny hippie earth mother, the David-Bowie-72 inspired Shag, and 80s puff locks.)

Since my memory isn't great, the pictures took to a different place entirely: AM in her Gidget hair and white short shorts. AK with her charming, full of guile grin. AS and UD as a handsome young couple very much in love. UN and AS ditto. Cousins and and great Aunts and branches of the family not seen in decades.

AK, who was our sole visitor that particular Easter Sunday, was charmed, as were Rtre and her family. Our Nanny was dying of Alzheimer’s in the old folks home and we felt awful about it—powerless and awful—but there she was, up on the wall, vital and larger than life from 30 years before in a careful but proud smile and a well chosen dress. And we also felt connected.

But to actually have tons of these images to search through on my own? Maybe I felt weird about it because so much had transpired in my adult life, I felt very detached from any person I used to be. I was getting into Buddhism, and the power of now, and mindfulness. Delving too much into the past seemed a silly time waster. Until, I actually started digging in. Ever since, I've been posting many of them up on FaceBook, my new guilty pleasure, quite oblivious to whether my fellow virtual community dwellers wanted to see them or not.

Don’t get me wrong, I tried to choose the images that had something objectively interesting about them, in terms of how the images were framed, or what expression we had. (Groovie was—and is—a good amateur photographer.) But really, I just chose what I liked.

Am I living in the past? Sure, maybe. But I think it’s more like I’m seeing it in a new way. Instead of my usual internal drivel: this is a working class family who never have the benefit of silver spoons, bla, bla, bla.... I think, It’s a story of a family who lived on 1 Slope Drive in a development that had M&M houses all in a row. Sure, there were things they lacked. And maybe they were typical, but singular, like all families. But they had their moments. And they love each other.

Reading “Slimed Online” with interest

2009-02-22T14:46:00.001-05:00

In a way, if you haven’t heard about the phenom of cyber bullying, you might be better off. Why? Well, it’s one more thing to worry about at a time when one-more-thing might be one-thing-too-many. And yet, David Margolick did such a good job describing this particular instance of the act, and new legal challenges to the Internet that will result, in the March Portfolio article it's worth the read. After all, you just might, one day, get a green meanie in the virtual face. To check out Portfolio, go to www.portfolio.com.

Short version of the story: Brittan Heller and Heide Irvani, Yale law students, were slimed in a big way online. The reasons, by the way, seem to relate to so-called male brilliance not yet tempered by maturity. Basically, the ladies were the victim of locker room-level chit chat, only of a permanent and searchable variety. Google and AutoAdmit, a law student forum, couldn’t be sued. Current law, written in the spirit of fostering internet growth, prevents it. But the ladies are fighting back back by suing the perps, who thought they'd be safe by hiding behind their cyber tags, Cheese Eating something or other and so on. (Yo cheese, I’d sue your sorry a** too, you slimy female hater.)

Bill O, the worst man in the world, (according to Keith O), has, to his credit, mentioned cyber bullying in numerous jeremiads. Usually, he brings it up in the context of better known social networking sites and younger perpetrators, which gives you some sense of hope. (“Oh, they’re young. They’ll grow into being human.”) However, people in their 20s, and brainiacs no less, are supposed to be better than that, bruh. Anyway, the suit is still “ongoing,” whatever that means. Meanwhile, not everyone at Yale agrees with the ladies hardball back tactics, but I do. (Surprise.) All of this leaves me thinking—what, exactly—do these fast-track travelers have to be POed about? If the privileged world of Yale is such a twisted place what can the rest of us on the ordinary slow lane expect?

No M in MTV?

2009-02-15T08:29:00.000-05:00

Originally posted on MySpace February 25, 2007 - Sunday

No M in MTV?
Category: Music
At a time when the practice of file sharing is as common as the cold in February, and computers and cell phones are the new time fillers, TV seems linear and antiquated. It's only fitting that the New York Times would question the future of the once in the vanguard MTV. (Do they still want their MTV? by David Carr.)

Here we have a member of the old guard media checking the pulse of younger old guard media (MTV) as a proxy for today's cultural tastes. Anyone old enough to remember the network's gangely 80s years (and all the debates about the purity of music being corrupted) will feel rueful at the suggestion that not only is it's cachet is gone (which isn't news or even surprising), but music has little to do with its purpose. Weird to think of MTV with no M.

Scanning the Times over hot brew the other morning, I got to thinking: in an era when the music video can seem like moving wallpaper, is anybody watching? I was hardly current. If I caught a video at all it at all it was in the stray moment, often on the treadmill at the gym. (Gwen Stefani's "What U Waiting 4", directed by Francis Lawrence from production company DNA, Inc. is interesting.) In thinking of the industry today, I had to set my mind on shaking a lo fi prejudice that all the good music had already been made (not true of course) and each video was little more the close up on the navel, nipple, or quivering lip of the week.

Funny to think of an industry so substantial—worth about $508 million in 1998 according to the Recording Industry Association of America—making product that's consumed casually at best. As it's grown to middle age MTV has spawned not only a phalanx of imitators, it's boosted the coffers of the video production industry and driven the careers of choreographers, set designers, editors and directors who likely see the form as a way to get good with their craft. And it's not as if acts had lost their video habit. The credits of Frank Borin, listed on the Music Video Production Association website, indicated that he'd directed videos for Eminem, Red Hot Chilis, Good Charlotte, and Simple Plan, lil Chris, rocco delucca, and social burn. For now, anyway, the BETs, VH1s, Music24s, and FuseTVs have material for a heavy rotation.

(Although, as the Times article indicated, the playlists tend to be narrow at MTV anyway.)A quick scan of MVPA the shows a long list of directors and production companies with a wide range of talent in the lens. Jennifer Lopez in "Get Right," was directed by Diane Martel, with DNA, Inc., which conveyed a sassy Jenny-from-the-block who could illustrate a clever horn riff with a few slinky moves. I sampled that, as well as the work of Francis Lawrence, also with DNA, who directed the Black Eyed Peas in "Let's Get it Started" and Madam Brown's "Raised in the Hood" by Alisa Daglio, a St. Thomas Virgin Islands native. The FooFighters "Times Like These," by RockHard Films director Marc Klasfeld was the prototypical modern performance video.

In each, the camera is always shyly devoted to worship, offering loving montages and dreamy cutaways. A feisty Farah Khalid videoed a band called Mynx called "I'm so LA," which made me laugh. This brief, albeit nonscientific sampling showed me that marrying music and image and in some cases lending structure that the song lacked.The concept video isn't necessarily dead, although it's in a plateau.

Although the video has long become something that flickers in the background, it's also true that the unexpected or electrifying frame can snatch up your attention. Mind you, to me, television itself increasingly seems an alien form that's been hijacked by traded spouses, traded places, and plastique people that look spectacular but seem to think terrifyingly little.

In danger of becoming passé is the habit of letting creative pros at networks and in television production land develop shows for passive consumption. (Why do it when you can YouTube it?) Maybe the problem with the music video, like the problem with all content, is that it asks the viewer to pay attention and consider the expertise of another: no input needed, nothing to add, or edit. Yet the value of content expertise ought to have cultural currency, whatever the screen size.

Maybe it's simply that the aesthetic of MTV has migrated to longer formats and commercials. When everything is set to music, maybe what you really crave is silence.

Easy Rider many uneasy years later

2009-02-15T07:52:00.001-05:00

It's been a long time since I've seen counter-cultural darling and ultimate road trip flick "Easy Rider," and having watched it again last night, I have to say, it's worthy of its classics status, whether you (mentally) live in a Red State or Blue. It's also worth a look-and-see whether you like motorcycles or the people who ride them. And, especially so whether you ever adored the idea of hippies and free riders and even if you (like me) can barely stand crackers so scary watching them will make your teeth hurt.

Ranging in on questions about what it means to be free, the whimsical nature of life, and who's vision of Amerikkka (hippies vs. the straights) is actually a morally and politically correct one (in the larger sense, not as in "political correctness"), the film also captures some nuanced performances and lovely scenery. A young, and flaky Jack Nicholson does his magic with lovable legal counsel George. A very young Tony Basil and always charming Karen Black also drop in the trip.

As the Wikipedia plot synopsis indicates, the Peter Fonda character, Wyatt, nicknamed Captain America and Billy, Dennis Hopper's character, smuggle drugs from Mexico to LA. After a success exchange of drugs for cash, Captain stuffs the loot in the stars-and-stripes decorated gas tank of his chopper—protecting it (sort of) in a rubber tube. (From a bong?) (And, hey, didn't the filmmaker's steal use of the Marvel Comic moniker from Ken Kesey's Merry Pranksters?) The trip begins as the two head east in the hopes of making Mardi Gras. On the way, real life—albeit it in trippy form—happens. But the picture, while plenty joyful, doesn't have any sentimental wash. And, if you'll pardon the semi obscure Jimi Hendrix reference (part of the soundtrack) when a 6 turns out to be a 9, the boys learn an ultimate lesson. Worth your time, I promise.

Trying to quiet my unquiet mind

2009-02-11T06:42:00.000-05:00

When I woke up irritated, even aggravated, and the day hadn't even started yet, I knew it was critical to do something that could neutral me out. And so I read part of a chapter on generosity in "Buddha Is As Buddha Does," by Lama Surya Das. He talked about how hard it is to push your petty, grasping tendencies aside, especially in a modern, materialist culture where so much emphasis is placed on wealth that it becomes the only thing that matters. (Or, to quote him: "Unlike more traditional Old World cultures...rich people are exalted as hereos, often without regard for how they may have come by their fortune. Feeling isolated from each other, we are led to fear poverty as our greatest disaster and wealth as our highest mark of success.") How best to combat this natural tendency? By charitable acts and, in any given moment, trying to do what's right without attaching to it. Ugggggh....easier said than done, grasshopper. But I guess I'll take a deep breath and try. OM

I'm feeling a little too stimulated

2009-02-08T18:52:00.000-05:00

I think all the news of the stimulus bill has me wired, nervous, and jerky. One proof of this? How attached I've been to cyberspace and social media lately: tending a bit overmuch to my FaceBook chores, for instance, because it's fun, especially compared to looking at my 401K or my checkbook. (I think, for me, electronic friends are easier to take.)

A friend of mine posted a FB comment to the effect that while interesting times definitely tug at your attention, there may be such a thing as too much intrigue. It's like a tree pose on your shaky side—all of it: this economy, the mounting job losses, and the big numbers that get tossed around like mixed greens for a yuppie dinner party.

And, paying too much attention to the "serious Sunday media", while making your feel like an appropriately serious grown-up, it can make you feel a bit sad and hopeless. (How many angels can be paid off for the cost of a trillion dollars?) It's a good thing that Mission Impossible is on tv. How better to decompress after a week of "the things Obama did wrong," and various work-related annoyances with a good bomb diffusion or banana republic takeover. Let's hope the next banana republic isn't our own.

From Politico.com

2009-02-06T18:53:00.001-05:00

The Senate has reached a tentative deal on a $780 billion stimulus package.
One source told Politico: "We have a deal." (5:53 p.m.)

Obama is catching flack from the right. You don't say...

2009-02-06T17:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I'll hand it to the right wingers on the radio, they don't let moss gather in their efforts to politicize everything and swing at phantom bogeymen while the real thugs hang in the back row, laughing.

Just weeks into the new Obama Presidency and said "radioheads" are finding plenty to b*tch about: he's not a competent speaker or administrator, no, he's merely a smooth Muslim who's going soft on terrorists (look at Gitmo), meanwhile, he's already "lying" and "back peddling." Of course, trivial examples are given of said grievances. Am I surprised? Nah. It's business as usual among the professional complainers, whiners, and gingoists.

My favorite critique has to come from WOR's Steve Malzberg, this very afternoon, who accused the big O of "fear mongering" because the former said that the job loss data was "staggering," (598,000 jobs were lost in January, according to Labor Department data, and this is the deepest drop in 34 years. The unemployment rate now clocks in at 7.6 percent. You decide.)

Hey, I'm not saying Obama is perfect or the $1.25 trillion stimulus bill is perfect. (It most certainly is gargantuan and ungainly.) I'm saying, let's take the man at his word and let's move on in our decision making and forget posturing around supposed perfection. People need to work. Sure, it's all debt and we are truly ______ed. But we have to try. (As I write this Savage is ranting on the radio about pork barrel spending.)

Oh, and while we're on Obama: I picked this up at the office.

Presidency 2.0: Four Reasons Why Social Networking Is Changing the Office of the President—and America Itself President Obama is the first U.S. president to get elected based in part on his massive techno-demographic appeal.

Authors Matthew Fraser and Soumitra Dutta have published an insightful new book exploring how Web 2.0 platforms are reshaping American politics. Hoboken, N.J.- (February 2009)—Change.gov, the transition site President Obama put up immediately after the votes were counted, was aptly named. It served as instant proof that the man who won what Reader's Digest called the "Facebook Election," and who refused to give up his BlackBerry upon entering office, would be doing things differently from his predecessors. After displaying a mastery of Web 2.0 networks like Twitter, YouTube, and Facebook, say authors Matthew Fraser and Soumitra Dutta, Obama is now using the tools that helped get him elected to reshape how the office of the president interacts with America and the rest of the world. "The 2008 election campaign marks a break with the past not only because the Web was used by candidates to mobilize voters and raise money, but more importantly because it became a platform for spontaneous citizen engagement in the political process," says Fraser, coauthor along with Dutta of Throwing Sheep in the Boardroom: How Online Social Networking Will Transform Your Life, Work and World (Wiley, 2008, ISBN: 978-0-470-74014-9, $29.95). "Now, as his presidency gets underway, Obama is continuing to use Web 2.0 tools to prolong that engagement and do everything he can to inform the public about what is going on. He is even asking Americans for direct feedback and input on the Web for new policy initiatives from the White House." And if a recent article from the Wall Street Journal is any indication, Obama may be the first "Internet president," but he will likely not be the last. The article takes a look at the actions the Republicans have taken after losing the "Facebook Election." In the article, RNC Director of E-campaigning Cyrus Krohn says, "When you get beat, you look at where you got beat and double down on improving that area. The Internet is the place you can look at and say there's room for improvement." "The article shows that the Republicans realize they didn't have a very good grasp on Web 2.0 capabilities during the election," says Dutta. "I think in the future we can expect more and more candidates from both parties to model their campaigns after that of President Obama." In their groundbreaking book, the authors explore the connected new world that helped make Obama's rise to the Oval Office possible. It is the first book written for a wide audience about the massive trend that is reshaping our lives: the Web 2.0 social networking revolution. The authors examine the powerful forces behind the social e-revolution, detailing often absurd and powerful reactions to it as well as making predictions about its long-term consequences. (In case you're wondering, the book takes its title from a popular Facebook widget, sheep-throwing, which serves as one of many ways members playfully interact with their online friends.) Here's a look at what having a president 2.0 means for the administration and the public. It encourages a more transparent presidency. The Bush Administration left a sour taste in the mouths of many Americans—Republicans, Democrats, and otherwise—who felt that the administration wasn't as open and forthcoming with information as it should have been. President Obama has vowed to run a transparent presidency. And while it's too early to say whether he will follow through with his promises, the early signs are encouraging. "Obama's weekly video addresses, the blog on the www.WhiteHouse.gov site, his e-mail updates, and other methods of getting information out to American citizens are a good start," says Dutta. "It will be interesting to see if the first presidential candidate to truly embrace Web 2.0 tools continues to use those technologies to keep his citizens informed through his entire presidency." It allows President Obama to bypass the media filter. With the historic nature of his election and the economy in a tailspin, the new president is benefiting from a great deal of media focus and attention. However, unlike his predecessors, he isn't relying solely on their coverage. During his campaign, sites like YouTube and Facebook allowed Obama to reach people in a way—directly, unmediated—he would never have been able to achieve solely through media coverage. Today, Americans can sign up to receive e-mail updates from President Obama and his administration at www.WhiteHouse.gov. "Obama continues to use YouTube now that he has taken office," says Fraser. "Making a 21st century upgrade of the weekly radio address started by FDR during the Depression, President Obama posts videos of his weekly addresses to YouTube. His first one, posted on January 23rd, has received over 1 million views. "Of course the media will cover the routine goings on of any presidential administration," he adds. "But with Web 2.0 tools, President Obama is making sure he conveys exactly the message he wants Americans and the world to hear." It facilitates civic engagement and creates social capital. In most modern democracies, voter turnout is alarmingly low, and political life is the business of a small minority. The vast majority are passive observers of the political process, making themselves heard only in times of crisis or momentous import. However, citizens show more loyalty to a political system, and feel more compelled to engage in civic activity, when they have confidence that their voice is heard and represented. Web 2.0 technology, showcased by sites like www.USAService.org and www.WhiteHouse.gov, inspires that confidence. "The administration has also created a channel on YouTube that will allow anyone and everyone to comment on the videos the administration posts," points out Fraser. "And Obama created the Office of Public Liaison and Intergovernmental Affairs, which according to WhiteHouse.gov 'takes the Administration out of Washington and into communities across America, stimulating honest dialogue and ensuring that America's citizens and their elected officials have a government that works effectively for them and with them.' The office is a good example of how the inclusive nature that Obama has tried to create through his Web 2.0 activities can be translated into real-world activities." It allows President Obama to more effectively mobilize Americans. During his campaign, Obama used an iPhone app, Twitter, a direct e-mail campaign, and many other ways to harness the energies of his supporters. As a result, they felt like they were part of the campaign and transferred that feeling of inclusion into action. They canvassed. They made calls. They convinced their friends and family that Obama was the man for the job. And obviously, they were successful. Now President Obama is using Web 2.0 to once again call people to action. A main theme in many of his speeches is his call for people to return to regular community service and he's using Web 2.0 to make it possible. Originally created to encourage people to give back on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, www.USAService.org allows people to create and find events and also provides links to other service sites that might interest them. People can post pictures to the site showing what they've done in their communities and can also sign up to be on a direct e-mail list that will keep them updated. The site is a prime example of how the administration and future administrations can use Web 2.0 technologies to call the American people to action. "The vision of a networked, participatory, activist democracy is not a techno-utopia," says Dutta. "It's precisely what Alexis de Tocqueville witnessed in America nearly two centuries ago—a robust civil society and egalitarian spirit that motivated citizens to engage in all manner of voluntary associations. The prospect, nearly two hundred years later, of harnessing these vigorous public-spirited energies not only in America but throughout the world, is surely a vision that should be encouraged." Online social networking is not merely a method of communication. Nor is it simply a by-product of a changing society. It's actually an instrument of that change. If used correctly and judiciously, it can bring out the best in Americans and spur us on to build a stronger, more involved, more compassionate society. President Obama, and all future presidents, must play an active role in this process. "As voters massively shift toward the Internet for social interaction, consumer purchasing, and political participation, it's comforting to see President Obama embrace the Web 2.0 world," says Fraser. "Given the power of Web 2.0—socially, commercially, and organizationally—there could be no doubt that it would, inevitably, produce an e-ruptive impact on our political institutions. President Obama is proof of that. Now we will all have to wait and see if he can use Web 2.0 to improve our democracy and inspire us all to work together for good." Note to Editor: Visit the book's website, www.throwingsheep.com, to view a captivating and informative video about the book and also to get a sneak peak at the book's Table of Contents, Preface, and first chapter.

About the Authors: Matthew Fraser, PhD, is a Senior Research Fellow at INSEAD. He completed graduate studies at the London School of Economics, Oxford University (Nuffield College), Université de Paris I (Panthéon-Sorbonne) and Institut d'Etudes Politiques de Paris, where he earned a doctorate in political science. He is the author of several books, including Weapons of Mass Distraction: Soft Power and American Empire (2005). A recognized media industries expert with long experience as an academic and journalist, he was Editor-in-Chief of Canada's national daily newspaper, National Post, and co-hosted a primetime national television show, Inside Media, on Canada's public all-news network, CBC Newsworld. Soumitra Dutta, PhD, is Roland Berger Chaired Professor of Business and Technology at INSEAD. He obtained his doctorate in computer science and his M.Sc. in business administration from the University of California at Berkeley. At INSEAD, he is the faculty director of elab@INSEAD, a center of excellence in the digital economy. His research focus is on technology and innovation strategy at both corporate and national policy levels. His books include seven editions of The Global Information Technology Reporters (2002-2008), Innovating at the Top (2008), The Bright Stuff (2002), and Embracing the Net (2001). A popular speaker and a fellow of the World Economic Forum, he has presented numerous high level conferences around the world. About the Book: Throwing Sheep in the Boardroom: How Online Social Networking Will Transform Your Life, Work and World (Wiley, 2008, ISBN: 978-0-470-74014-9, $29.95) is available at bookstores nationwide, major online booksellers, or direct from the publisher by calling 800-225-5945. In Canada, call 800-567-4797. For more information, please visit www.throwingsheep.com. If you would like to receive this information as a Word document, please let us know. If you would like to be removed from this list, please let us know by replying to this email.

A found item worth skimming

2009-01-27T08:26:00.000-05:00

Got this from Long Island Press, where a good friend, Mike Martino, writes.

2008 Year In Review
Posted: 12/23/2008 - 7:16:02 PM

ECONOMY—OFF TARGET Biggest story of the year. Also biggest nightmare. Too many to blame. OK, let’s blame ’em: bankers, Wall Street, mortgage, insurance, oil and auto companies, CEOs, Sen. Phil Gramm and his horrible wife… .

IRAQ—PARTIAL SCORE Remember Iraq? It used to be the No. 1 hot topic? We want out, we know that, but how? Bad economy totally wipes it from our consciousness.

2008 ELECTION—BULL’S EYE The most exciting presidential race ever (except for that one that Gore won). Real issues propelled this one: economy, war, race and a tax-cheating plumber from Ohio.

BARACK OBAMA—BULL’S EYE When was the last time Americans celebrated in the streets after an election? Rutherford B. Hayes, 1877.

HILLARY CLINTON—PARTIAL SCORE It’s a bittersweet year for her: running a very strong race, losing a tight primary (thank you, John Edwards), forcing a smile while campaigning for her rival, becoming Secretary of State. So now when that call comes in at 3 a.m., Hill can still take it.

McCAIN—OFF TARGET McCan’t

CONCESSION SPEECH—BULL’S EYE One of the most gracious in history.

VICTORY SPEECH—BULL’S EYE One of the most moving in history.

JOHN EDWARDS—OFF TARGET Golden Boy tarnished admitting an extramarital affair, after a series of public, arrogant denials. Do we need to mention his wife had recurring cancer at the time? Yes. This weasel could have lost it all for the Dems had he become the Democratic candidate.

ELIOT SPITZER—OFF TARGET Speaking of weasels, no one fell as far as Spitzer, the so-called Sheriff of Wall Street. Turns out this arrogant SOB was slinging the wrong gun.

TING TINGS—PARTIAL SCORE “Shut Up and Let Me Go” by the Ting Tings is one of the best songs of the year, but when the hell will it leave our heads?

JOE LIEBERMAN—OFF TARGET Sorry we called Edwards and Spitzer weasels first. Lieberman was the real weasel as the Democratic senator from Conn. nastily campaigned for Republican John McCain, and then after the election whined for the Dems to take him back into the fold. Which they did. And they deserve him.

SARAH PALIN—PARTIAL SCORE Heated up this election like no one else. Yes, Sarah, please, please run for the presidency in 2012, so the Dems are assured to have the White House until 2020.

MYSPACE MOM—OFF TARGET A Missouri mother and Satan’s daughter, Lori Drew, cyberbullied her troubled 13-year-old next-door neighbor Megan Meier, who ended up killing herself because of Drew’s vicious online taunts. Drew wins Villain of the Year title after Kim Jong-il and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

EARTHQUAKE—OFF TARGET The devastating earthquake in Sichuan, China killed more than 70,000 people—19,000, at least, were children, as much of the damage was in schools—displayed some of the best in human nature and the worst of Mother Nature.

MUMBAI—OFF TARGET Muslim fundamentalists launched an attack on several locations in Mumbai, India, including luxury hotels and a Jewish center, ending in a bloody loss of life for hundreds, and leaving the world once again on edge. The one bright light was India’s National Security Guards, who finally ended the siege and came off heroically.

WRITER’S STRIKE—PARTIAL SCORE Boo hoo, TV writers. We’re supposed to be sad Tina Fey isn’t making three gazllion dollars a week, but rather only two gazillion? Try working in print journalism, honey.

COLIN POWELL—PARTIAL SCORE It was a big moment when he endorsed Obama. But didn’t he endorse W. a few years ago? We’ll take his advice with a grain of salt.

WEATHER—OFF TARGET Storms in the Midwest, fires in California, tornados in the South, and then Ike decides to come and destroy Texas. Can’t Homeland Security send Mother Nature to Guantanamo?

PIRATES—PARTIAL SCORE Now that we’ve spent all this money on high-tech defense, a 15th century scourge returns. Aaaaarrrgggh.

OJ—BULL’S EYE All right, Ron and Nicole, you can rest in peace now.

GAS PRICES—PARTIAL SCORE So one month they’re up beyond $5 a gallon and the next month they’re under $2? That Obama is amazing!

SNL—BULL’S EYE The 900-year-old series is at its zenith, thanks to a really talented cast, sharp writing, great public figures to spoof, and the genius Tina Fey, who is worth at least three gazillion dollars a week.

GEORGIA—OFF TARGET Russia gets aggressive, and starts going all 1960s on us. Best part: headlines in the morning freaked out many Americans as they thought Atlanta was under siege.

BAILOUTS—OFF TARGET The one question we were all asking: “Where is our personal bailout?”

GOLDEN PARACHUTES—OFF TARGET Oh, That’s where our personal bailout went.

FIDEL CASTRO—BULL’S EYE How come dictators just live on and on and on...? C’mon Fidel, Miami is ready to move back.

PREGNANT MAN—OFF TARGET Know how it happened? He’s a woman!!!

NEWSPAPERS—PARTIAL SCORE Budget cuts, lay-offs, closings—it could be worse than the banking and auto industries. Imagine a society without its newspapers?

VACCINES—BULL’S EYE After much controversy, a Georgia court finds that a young girl’s autism was triggered by vaccines. Now Jenny McCarthy’s suddenly the wise voice of medicine? These vaccines must be bad.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH—OFF TARGET Crooked Illinois guv tries to sell Obama’s senate seat, has a foul-mouthed wife and is as corrupt as anything, but really, what’s with the hair?

AMY POEHLER—BULL’S EYE While still in Tina Fey’s shadow, this funny gal had a big year herself being a baby mama on screen and real life. And her Hillary impression probably even gives Bill the chills. It’s her final SNL season, and we’re gonna miss her.

HUSSEIN—BULL’S EYE After GOP attempts smear Dem campaign about Obama’s middle name, many on Facebook take it on as their own. There’s nothing like being poked by Erin Hussein O’Reilly.

TOXIC CHINA—OFF TARGET Really, how many different ways of trying to poison us will it take before we stop buying crap from them?

POLYGAMIST SECT—OFF TARGET Yep, let’s go in there, take away all their children and then give them right back. This is not the way they do it on Big Love. And not a single one of these women looks like Jeanne Tripplehorn.

PROPOSITION 8—OFF TARGET Californians support a bill to treat livestock humanely, but reject a bill to allow gay marriage. Californians are idiots.

CABLEVISION—OFF TARGET Remember that game Monopoly?

TED KENNEDY—OFF TARGET Diagnosed with a brain tumor, the long time Democratic Massachusetts senator garnered much love from around the nation. Well, maybe not from Mary Jo Kopechne’s part of the woods.

TRANS FATS—OFF TARGET We want them back. Give them back.

WAL-MART—OFF TARGET Black Friday turned to be fatal for a young Wal-Mart guard who was stampeded to death by a crowd of animals trying to get a cheap plasma TV. With luck, they’ll be able to watch their manslaughter trials on those TVs. In high-def.

HOPE—BULL’S EYE He promised it. Now the hope is he’ll deliver.

JESSE HELMS—PARTIAL SCORE Death is never pretty, but this guy was one mean, hateful bastard… .

HEROES—PARTIAL SCORE First it was good. Then it was bad. Now it is good again. (Scary warning: Sylar works in our office, we think.)

MICHAEL SAVAGE—OFF TARGET Speaking of bastards, conservative talk show host insults autistic kids and ends up losing a whole bunch of sponsors for his radio program. That compassionate conservatism is really something huh?

DENIS LEARY—OFF TARGET Unfunny comedian and one-note actor writes a book where he insults autistic kids. What is this ganging up on kids who can’t defend themselves? Why can’t these grown men pick on equals? Like each other.

MARCELO LUCERO—OFF TARGET Lucero, an Ecuadorian immigrant, was stabbed and killed by several Long Island youths in what became one of the most shameful stories out of LI. Here are those alleged murderers’ names: Jeffrey Conroy, Jordan Dasch, Nicholas Hausch, Anthony Hartford, Kevin Shea, Christopher Overton and Jose Pacheco.

ODETTA—BULL’S EYE Music icon with the biggest voice and equally good heart died this month leaving us her unparalleled legacy. And what a shame she didn’t live long enough to perform at Obama’s inauguration.

TRUE BLOOD—BULL’S EYE Arguably the best new series of the TV season, chock full of interesting characters, cool story lines and a sexy vibe. Leave Twilight to the tweens, this is a vampire show grown ups can really sink their teeth into.

REALITY TV—BULL’S EYE Charm School, Rock of Love and I Love Money were the best worst TV series of the season, maybe of forever. Where they find these idiots who don’t mind making fools of themselves on national TV is the question of the year. And that Megan, what a bitch.

CHRISTIE BRINKLEY—OFF TARGET Fresh-faced supermodel airs her dirty laundry in an embarrassing divorce case against hubby Peter Cook that should have stayed private. Did we really have to know that Alexa Ray takes very, very long showers?

JON STEWART—BULL’S EYE If you wanted the real scoop on campaign 2008, then Stewart’s The Daily Show was the place to go. No politician’s lie was left unturned. And no joke was unfunny.

TAYLOR SWIFT—PARTIAL SCORE Teenage country-pop sensation had a monster year. But then got no love from the Grammys. Her guitar must be drenched with teardrops by now.

TINA FEY—BULL’S EYE We know we already did our Tina Fey item, but we wanted to catch your attention to make sure you got the Taylor Swift joke. Her big hit was “Teardrops on My Guitar.” OK, just checking.

THE VIEW—BULL’S EYE Watching The View was like trying to keep track of a small war-torn country: Infighting, oustings, and a little bloodshed. But the ladies, no matter how infantile they may act, ask the toughest questions of any news anchor or serious talking head on TV.

THE JONAS BROS.—BULL’S EYE The baby-faced crooners’ love lives eclipsed their boy band fame this year, and still we can’t get enough. Either can Miley, Taylor, Selena or Camilla apparently.

JAY LENO—PARTIAL SCORE The Chin takes his unfunny act to prime time. A big win for NBC, not so much though for any hopes of fresh blood on the late-night circuit.

XM/SIRIUS—OFF TARGET Merger? Doesn’t matter, we’re all listening to our iPod anyway.

KATIE COURIC—BULL’S EYE From nailing Sarah Palin to her glam makeover to her televised colonoscopy there is nothing the ballsy anchor can’t do. Except get people to watch her.

BERNIE MAC—BULL’S EYE An Original King of Comedy, Mac’s death in August shocked and saddened the “Amuricah” he addressed each week in his show. Mac will continue to release movies, posthumously, into 2009. That’s better than we can say for Vin Diesel, who we think is still alive.

ISAAC HAYES—BULL’S EYE Hayes was the Hot-Buttered Soul that spanned generations—all who mourned his passing in August. From crooning on “Shaft” to cooking as South Park’s Chef, everything about Isaac was cooooool. Um, and about his run in with Scientology, well… “Shut your mouth!”

GEORGE CARLIN—BULL’S EYE The king of indecency, provider of the “Seven Dirty Words,” the comic genius who wasn’t afraid to take on any subject, no matter how taboo, the man all comics look up to, died this past June. What a fucking shame.

DEAN SKELOS—OFF TARGET Poor Deano. In July, State Sen. Skelos finally got his button and became majority leader and president of the Senate. But soon after, the Dems took back the Senate, and Skelos, who’s been in office for almost 30 years, goes back to the infantry.

LI GOP—OFF TARGET Totally off target. C’mon…it was going to be hard for any Republican to win a race this year. But things really went sour for the local GOP. And all the while, politicos have to sit back and wonder why State and Nassau County GOP Chairman Joe Mondello still has a gig. Under his watch, the Republican strongholds of Nassau and Suffolk Counties have been decimated. Hey Deano, maybe this is your next move!

OBAMA GIRL—BULL’S EYE It’s about time we brought sexy back into politics (Not Spitzer-style). Obama Girl, albeit a little creepy, sang what the rest of the world was thinking—especially the “So black and sexy, you’re so fine,” part.

THE HOGAN FAMILY—PARTIAL SCORE This dysfunctional clan has been through near-fatal car accidents, divorce and Hogan making Britney Spears seem talented. But like any good train wreck, we can’t look away.

BETTIE PAGE—PARTIAL SCORE The curvy, raven-haired pin-up sex kitten who unapologetically broke barriers died this month. The fearless feminist refused to be photographed in old age because of vanity. Bettie, you were beautiful, at any age.

MICHAEL CRICHTON—BULL’S EYE Jurassic Park, ER and countless works of fiction and genius. Thank you Michael Crichton for thinking out loud, you will be missed.

SPEIDI ELOPES—OFF TARGET Did they? Didn’t they? The Hills’ resident cartoon couple Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt elope in Mexico. Or not. Really, who cares?

FORECLOSURES—PARTIAL SCORE One of the most brutal years in recent history for home foreclosures, the nation is reeling. On LI however, first-time foreclosures dropped 37 percent since October. Go, silver lining!

TRICIA WALSH—PARTIAL SCORE The YouTube divorcee/former Playboy bunny told the world about her husband’s little sex secrets. Thank goodness, she didn’t come off crazy or anything.

WII FIT—PARTIAL SCORE An interactive video game should mean we’re breaking a sweat because the rescued princess planted a kiss on our pimply forehead, not because we’re actually exercising. That being said, we’re thankful to get our fat asses moving so maybe we can make out with girls who are a little less pixilated.

DRUG WAR—OFF TARGET More than 5,300 people have been killed in Mexico’s drug war in 2008, double the number from last year and more than all the U.S. troops killed in Iraq. This is victory, President Calderon?

HOFSTRA DEBATE—BULL’S EYE Detention of Press reporter aside, Hofstra’s hosting of final Presidential debate goes off without a hitch… excessive Joe The Plumber mentions notwithstanding. Hofstra suddenly hotter than Harvard.

ASHLEY DUPRE—PARTIAL SCORE Honor student-turned-escort was the key to Client No. 9’s undoing...his pants. [rim shot here]

DICK CHENEY—OFF TARGET The worst, right?

BABY NAMES—PARTIAL SCORE Celebs pick the best names: Pilot Inspektor, Moxie Crimefighter, Fifi Trixibelle, Audio Science, Bronx Mowgli and Tu Morrow. Why are we surprised? Their names are as stupid as their celebrity parents.

KORSHUNOVA—OFF TARGET The stunning 20-year-old Russian model, Ruslana Korshunova jumped from the roof of her Manhattan apartment to her death. Other models choose the old-fashioned way: by starving themselves.

JAMIE LYNN SPEARS—PARTIAL SCORE The new TV role model for young girls: 15 and pregnant. All this while her mom writes a parenting book.

BRISTOL PALIN—OFF TARGET Teen pregnancy was all over the place in 2008, between Jamie Lynn Spears, Juno and now Bristol, daughter of abstinence proponent Sarah Palin. Why should Bristol get the heavy hand of judgment just because her mom exploited her for her own career purposes?

RACE—PARTIAL SCORE It was all about race. It was not about race at all. Only you know.

IRAN—OFF TARGET Somebody’s gonna get bombed. Just better not be us.

DANIEL RADCLIFFE—BULL’S EYE Harry Potter, all grown up, appears nude on Broadway. You make your own magic wand jokes.

THE CONGO—OFF TARGET The brutality that is found throughout the world has reared its ugliest head in Africa, especially in the Congo with its mass killings, torture and starvation. And don’t forget Darfur. And Somalia. And Zimbabwe. And…

PATRICK SWAYZE—PARTIAL SCORE The silver screen’s pretty boy is battling pancreatic cancer, and although we know how that goes, Swayze seems to be fighting hard (he has a new TV series debuting in Jan). And role of survivor is one we all applaud.

DISNEY GIRLS—PARTIAL SCORE Involved in more sexy scandals than Hef’s Girls Next Door.

TED STEVENS—BULL’S EYE First Sarah Palin becomes a national figure, then her pal Ted Stevens gets busted for corruption, losing his senate seat. Now both your eyes are black, Alaska.

SILDA SPITZER—OFF TARGET Public outcry surrounds her appearance standing uncomfortably next to her philandering husband as he admitted his dalliance with prostitutes. Don’t you know by now that New York is not a stand-by-your-man state?

OPRAH—BULL’S EYE 2008 was another good year for the Queen of the Universe. She made a ton of money, got her candidate elected Prez, was the highlight of the 30 Rock season and gained 300 pounds. Good for her.
RECESSION—OFF TARGET Feds finally announce we’re in one, two years too late—this while we are actually deep in a depression. What other obvious things have they been hiding from us?

GAY DAY—BULL’S EYE Gay activists call for a “Call in Gay From Work Day.” Unfortunately the reporter who was to write this blurb has called in gay.

WHITE HOUSE DOG—PARTIAL SCORE Fun fact: Exponentially more people care about Obama picking out a new puppy than him picking out a new cabinet!

POLICE REUNION—BULL’S EYE One of the biggest tours of the year. But they still didn’t make as much as Suffolk cops do.

COMEBACKS—BULL’S EYE Yes, this was the year for them: Tom Cruise, Shannon Doherty, Britney, Mickey Rourke and even Guns N’ Roses. Wanna bet they’ll all fade again in 2009?

ROBERT DOWNEY JR.—BULL’S EYE Best comeback of all: Iron Man, Tropic Thunder—don’t look now, but this loopy ex-drug addict is one of the most reliably bankable and exciting stars in Hollywood

OSCAR—BULL’S EYE And the Oscar goes to…Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder.

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 16—OFF TARGET Enough!

EMILY HOWARD—BULL’S EYE Played by David Walliams on Little Britain USA, the “I’m a lady. I do lady things” transvestite character is the funniest on TV. Yep, even funnier than Tracy Morgan. Hands down.

STARBUCKS—OFF TARGET Elitist Seattle coffee corporation closes 5 percent of locations nationwide. See you latte!

RACHAEL RAY—OFF TARGET Gets the boot from Dunkin’ Donuts commercial for being a Muslim fundamentalist. Well, really for wearing an Arab-like scarf. See you at Guantanamo.

HIGHWAY PATROL—PARTIAL SCORE In his battle to trim police spending, Suffolk County Exec Steve Levy assigns LIE and Rte. 27 patrols to lower-paid sheriffs deputies. They’re hoping to be paid by the mile on their next contract.

CHARLIE RANGEL—OFF TARGET Harlem congressman accused of cheating taxes and real estate rip offs while serving as chair of Ways and Means Committee, which shapes tax laws. Can we get his accountant’s number?

HOWARD STERN—PARTIAL SCORE With their marriage, King of All Media makes an honest woman (and millionaire) out of Beth Ostrosky.

DEEP THROAT—BULL’S EYE Top secret source who was key to WaPo Watergate investigation that introduced a generation to the power of the press, died this week. Hats off.

CHINESE DEMOCRACY—PARTIAL SCORE After 17 years, the elusive Guns N’ Roses record arrives. The verdict? It’s pretty good! So when’s the next one coming out?

FOX NEWS—OFF TARGET If we believed their election coverage, we’d still think McCain/Palin would be preparing to be sworn in.

MONTAUK MONSTER—PARTIAL SCORE Was it a publicity stunt, ugly dead animal or real-deal otherworldly creature that washed up on the beach this summer? The world may never know… .

MADOFF SCANDAL—OFF TARGET Billionaire investment firm with LI ties said to be nothing but a Ponzi scheme, inviting more to the poorhouse while bankrupting several charities. Poor ex-billionaires would be funny were they not also affecting the truly needy.

BILLY JOEL—BULL’S EYE What more memorable way to Shea goodbye while in a NY state of mind than with Billy the Kid?

CNN GRAPHICS—BULL’S EYE Election Night’s best graphics. Their Star Wars-style hologram reporters one-ups networks using touch screen maps and begs the question: When can we get one?

GEORGE W.BUSH—OFF TARGET Shoe-ducking aside (give him the boot instead), this guy personifies arrogance and stupidity as he leaves a laundry list of cabinet-level scandals, two unfinished wars, borderline Great Depression 2 and our nation’s reputation in ruins. Good riddance.

BUSH MARRIAGE—PARTIAL SCORE In some good Bush news, Jenna Bush’s wedding praised for not becoming a spectacle. Impressive, but not as much as if Mary Cheney tied the knot.

GONZO—OFF TARGET Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigns after alleged politically motivated firing of U.S. attorneys, the final straw after a slew of controversial War on Terror-related legal opinions. And what happened to those perjury accusations against the former A.G.?

BEES—OFF TARGET Mysterious die-off threatens national agriculture industry and food supplies, and no one knows why. Seems the threat of getting stung is a small price to pay.

ANN COULTER—PARTIAL SCORE World’s worst pundit has mouth wired shut on Thanksgiving, making America even more thankful.

CHRISTIAN BALE—OFF TARGET Batman’s allegations of assault against mom and sis in UK bring big headlines, but cops don’t file charges. Curious twist for actor with such a cult following? Not so much after re-watching American Psycho.

VITO FOSELLA—OFF TARGET Drunk-driving Staten Island congressman and family-values champion admits having extramarital affair and a child out of wedlock. Who knew there was such trash in Richmond County?

NATALIE CIAPPA—PARTIAL SCORE Gorgeous, high-achieving Plainedge teen dead of OD breaks LI’s heart, but law passed in her name raises awareness to the issue that she and her white, suburban peers face: Heroin kills.

GREECE—OFF TARGET Days of riots in the birthplace of democracy a foreshadowing of things to come?

GOP—OFF TARGET After initial one-party rule under Bush, the pendulum swings left. One suggestion: keep the hate-mongers from the rallies next time. Not having such a Grand Ol’ Party after all.

STIMULUS CHECKS—PARTIAL SCORE Remember the $600 check that was going to fix the recession? Ah, those were the days.

GIANTS—BULL’S EYE NY underdogs defeat cheating Patriots and stop their near-perfect season in the nail-biting-est Super Bowl in years, yet some still don’t give Big Blue credit. Maybe a repeat will shut them up.

RNC—PARTIAL SCORE The Republican National Convention shortened because of impending Hurricane Gustav. Could not have been any more evidence that it just wasn’t their year.

DEPT. OF INTERIOR—OFF TARGET Coke and meth-sniffing, large-gift-receiving contract-riggers who slept with oil company workers while they were supposed to be protecting the environment is a cherry on W scandal list cake.

CAESAR TRUNZO—OFF TARGET Brentwood’s 81-year-old, 18-term Republican state senator Trunzo, who has been fending off challengers since 1972, finally meets his match in Brian Foley. When was he planning on retiring, at age 100?

BLACKWATER—OFF TARGET Sept. ’07 shooting of 17 Iraqis in Baghdad, most “without cause,” says FBI, yet State Dept. still contracts them. Smooth move, Condi.

REV. WRIGHT—OFF TARGET “God damn America” clip replays turn out to be a bump in the road to the White House. Perhaps the election results might change his mind.

DEBATES—PARTIAL SCORE Flag pins still the most memorable question and VP debates still most ridiculous, but lack of gaffes made us sad.

GOV. PATERSON—PARTIAL SCORE Thrown into the governor’s seat, he’s done a decent job, has a sense of humor (except regarding that SNL impersonation) and hasn’t become Client No. 10. Oh wait, there are those horrible taxes and education cuts he’s proposing. Nevermind.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE——OFF TARGET Never getting hit by bullets, jumping a motorbike onto a boat, defeating endless waves of bad guys—when did James Bond become a superhero?

PLAX—OFF TARGET Or should we say Bull’s Eye, considering the shot from the allegedly illegal gun that ended Plaxico Burress’ NFL career managed to hit his leg in a way that he was still able to walk into the courthouse. From Super Bowl-winning catch to facing prison: Great job!

TAX PLAN—PARTIAL SCORE In NY, desperate times call for desperate measures, but music downloads? Don’t they have a hard enough time convincing people to buy music as it is?

BLOOMBERG TERMS—OFF TARGET The mayor changes law limiting his reign in office at two terms to keep Giuliani away. Then changes it back so he can three-peat. At least Bush didn’t think of the idea first.

JOE BIDEN—PARTIAL SCORE He’s not a bad running mate. And if you ask him why, he’ll tell you. And tell you, and tell you, and tell you… .

LEAH WALSH—OFF TARGET The special-ed teacher is murdered by her husband William and left in the woods, while he begs for help on finding her killer. How can her autistic students understand something so senseless, if we adults can’t?

MAD MEN—BULL’S EYE As authentic a look at the early 1960s as you’ll find, with a main character that oozes cool. Oh, and the best—it’s on basic cable.

SCHRUTE FARMS—BULL’S EYE The No. 1 beet-related agrotourism destination in Northern Pennsylvania is also the premier venue for a wedding.

OLYMPICS—PARTIAL SCORE The U.S. won less gold medals than China, but more total medals. That means we won, right?

MICHAEL PHELPS—BULL’S EYE Two words: Webbed feet.

MARTY TANKLEFF—BULL’S EYE Convicted of killing his parents at the age of 17, he spent almost two decades in prison before winning his freedom. He’s now working toward a law degree at Hofstra. Guess he had a lot of time to study.

MICHELLE OBAMA—PARTIAL SCORE Powerful speeches, tireless campaigning for her husband and unwavering resolve in the face of critics. Michelle 2016?

BAD DAD—OFF TARGET A 73-year-old Austrian man kept his daughter in a hidden dungeon for more than two decades and had seven children with her, while his wife and other children lived unaware upstairs. What more can we say?

SHAWN HORNBECK—BULL’S EYE A teenager kidnapped in 2002 and found five years later gives a TV interview about his experience with unbelievable courage and poise. We can’t even begin to imagine what goes through his mind every day.

THE DONALD—BULL’S EYE Trump’s ridiculously lavish catering hall at Jones Beach State Park hit roadblocks from the state and was denounced by LIers. Don, you’re fired.

LEHMAN BROTHERS—OFF TARGET Amid bailout this and financial aid that, Uncle Sam lets the 150-year-old-plus firm wither and die, while CEO Richard Fuld enjoys his $21 million Park Ave. apartment.

LIL WAYNE—BULL’S EYE His song “A Milli” was the song to cover, Tha Carter III sold a million copies in its first week, and label boss gave him a Louis Vuitton suitcase with $1 million cash inside on his 26th birthday. So why’s he still “Lil?”

ANDY SAMBERG—PARTIAL SCORE He’s in less skits than the two new women on SNL, but that’s because he spent all season writing “J*** In My Pants.” Worth the tradeoff?

MCGREEVEY THREESOME—PARTIAL SCORE Ex-aide to Gov. McGreevey claims he had sexual adventures with the guv and his wife, which started at T.G.I. Friday’s and were called “Friday Night Specials.” Those sure beat the twofers at Applebees.

GREEN—OFF TARGET The entire country fought for new emission standards, fuel-efficient cars and renewable energy…wait, gas is only $2 a gallon? Let’s go burn some Styrofoam cups!

LIPA—OFF TARGET They tell us to go green and then they charge us for it. We tell them no. They back down. For the moment.

O’REILLY MELTDOWN—BULL’S EYE Video clip released of no-spin-zone spinner totally letting loose on a faulty teleprompter and those underlings around him. To be fair, the teleprompter was a liberal.

ANISTON TIE—BULL’S EYE Wears only a tie in GQ photo spread: best use of red, white and blue since the American flag.

POLAR BEARS—PARTIAL SCORE Polar bears are added to the list of “threatened” animals because of global warming. The government promises to… wait, gas is only $2 a gallon? Let’s go burn some Styrofoam cups!

STEPHON MARBURY—OFF TARGET The point guard tried to blackmail former Knicks coach Isiah Thomas and got benched indefinitely by current coach Mike D’Antoni. All that hard work and he only makes $21 million a year.

CHRISTIAN SIRIANO—PARTIAL SCORE We loved his fashions on Project Runway, but hated him for bringing terms like “fierce” and “hot mess” back in favor. Oh, they were never in favor?

ABDUL STALKER—OFF TARGET After being rejected from American Idol in 2005, Paula Goodspeed was found dead outside her idol Abdul’s home. Anybody who’s obsessed with Paula Abdul clearly has some issues, ’cause she’s such a fierce, hot mess.

BROADWAY DYING—OFF TARGET Rent, A Chorus Line and Legally Blonde closed, with Young Frankenstein, Grease and Hairspray shutting their doors in the first weeks of 2009. And we still can’t get tickets to The Lion King.

JENNIFER HUDSON—OFF TARGET Her mother, brother and nephew were murdered by her sister’s boyfriend. Think again before you start complaining about having to see your family over the holidays.

AUTO CEOs—OFF TARGET Will they get a bailout? Won’t they get a bailout? Hurry up, they need money to maintain their private jets! Wait, gas is only $2 a gallon? You get the idea.

BURMA—OFF TARGET The famished country was hit by a cyclone, leaving one million homeless and malaria running rampant, only months after Buddhist monks took to the streets to protest Burma’s military dictatorship. Wow, that dictator has some mad skills.

LIRR SCANDAL—OFF TARGET The New York Times reports as much as 98 percent of LIRR employees are collecting disability pay. Although in fairness, the 1:06 a.m. train from Penn Station to Huntington can get pretty rowdy.

TASER SUICIDE—OFF TARGET A New York man fell to his death after being tased by a police officer. Days later, the lieutenant who gave the order commits suicide on his 46th birthday. The line, “Don’t tase me bro!” no longer is funny.

FRANK MUNDUS—PARTIAL SCORE The LI fisherman who was the inspiration for Jaws character Quint dies. He is now swimming with the fishes.

STEPHEN COLBERT—BULL’S EYE The Comedy Central “newsman” steps out of Jon Stewart’s shadow and finally wins an Emmy. If only he’d been McCain’s running mate… .

STEVE FOSSETT—PARTIAL SCORE The aerial adventurer’s remains were found after he went missing last year. Has Amelia Earhart taught us nothing?

HYBRID CARS—PARTIAL SCORE Yeah, they sure were a smart idea before the winter snow and ice storms.

BIG BROWN—OFF TARGET More like Big Disappointment. Next time we’re putting our two bucks into scratch-off cards!

SHOE-THROWER—OFF TARGET …but not by much!

A-ROD/MADONNA—OFF TARGET Just when you thought two of our creepiest celebrities couldn’t get any creepier…they hook up!

LOHAN/RONSON—OFF TARGET Are they or aren’t they? They ARE?! But wait…she isn’t?

DAVID DUCHOVNY—OFF TARGET So the guy who plays a sex addict on TV is a sex addict in real life. Wonder what Michael C. Hall does in real life?

KIMMEL/SILVERMAN—PARTIAL SCORE Look, we still don’t know what she sees in him, but at least they made some pretty funny videos about “F**king Matt Damon”!

SARAH SILVERMAN—BULL’S EYE Can you say, “Biggest crush ever.”?

JOE THE PLUMBER—OFF TARGET As essential to McCain’s campaign as Sarah Palin…and every bit as uninformed, ignorant and disingenuous.

TIGER WOODS—BULL’S EYE His performance at the U.S. Open was one of the great moments in sports history…and two days later it was revealed he had a torn ligament in his left knee. Talk about the stuff of legend.

AMERICAN IDOL—PARTIAL SCORE America picked the right David, but do we ever want to hear either one of them sing another note?

BRITNEY SPEARS—PARTIAL SCORE Why doesn’t the Britney in the gossip rags look anything like the Britney in the “Womanizer” video? We’re tired of the breakdowns, but Circus was a triumph.

ORTIZ JERSEY—OFF TARGET So some chowderhead tried to bury a Red Sox jersey in the new Yankee Stadium…better than thinking about all the ethical and legal violations housed there.

TOM BRADY—OFF TARGET We’d never root for anyone to get injured…but we didn’t shed any tears either when the Pats’ season came to a close in the first quarter of the first game of the season.

BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE—PARTIAL SCORE Won’t this underrepresented, anonymous couple ever be covered by the media?

PHILLIES/RAYS—BULL’S EYE The Phightin’ Phils took home the gold in this year’s World Series, but really, who even expected the Rays to be there?

JLO TWINS—OFF TARGET Another pair of babies in the Year of the Celebrity Baby. Just in time for their parents’ split.

SHARON STONE—OFF TARGET Airhead celeb says that Chinese earthquake is karma for abuses against Tibet. This from the woman who heaps abuses upon the art of acting.

AMY WINEHOUSE—OFF TARGET Listen Amy, the “Rehab” jokes are tired, we know…but seriously.

SEX AND THE CITY——PARTIAL SCORE Carrie and Co. were a hit at the box office. Too bad the flick was cheap-looking, poorly written consumerist trash.

SONGS OF THE YEAR—BULL’S EYE “Single Ladies,” “So What,” “See You Again,” “Bleeding Love,” “Mercy,” “Womanizer”… Yeah, ’08 was a pretty good year for the pop divas.

DARK KNIGHT—PARTIAL SCORE The flick was off the hook, Heath Ledger was superb. But he left us far too early.

CLAY AIKEN—BULL’S EYE We had a sneaking suspicion even before Clay came out, but we’re happy he did just the same. As for the puritanical Claymate backlash? Hey, we hear Bret Michaels is straight.

FACEBOOK—PARTIAL SCORE We’re thrilled to be back in touch with everyone we’ve ever known…but now how do we get rid of them again?

MILEY CYRUS—PARTIAL SCORE Hannah Montana no more? Miley’s Vanity Fair cover may have been controversial, but it was a smart career move for a teen starlet trying to grow up.

RUSSELL BRAND—PARTIAL SCORE This Brit comedian was great in the great Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and god-awful as the host at the god-awful MTV Video Awards. And the consensus is…god-awful.

KIOLI.ORG—BULL’S EYE Thought Keeping It On Long Island was a big theme for 2008? Wait’ll 2009.

IPHONE—OFF TARGET Jobs’ new toy caused long lines at Mac Stores, but after people experienced the iPhone’s terrible service, they wanted their Blackberries back.

CC SABATHIA—BULL’S EYE The big man pitches the Brewers into the playoffs singlehandedly, then scores a $161 million deal with the Yanks. What recession?

TWILIGHT—BULL’S EYE Biggest book craze since Harry Potter, and the movie made it even bigger. Between this and True Blood, ’08 was the year of the vampire.

TIM RUSSERT—PARTIAL SCORE One of our best left us too early. We wish he were around to see Obama win.

PAUL NEWMAN—BULL’S EYE A great actor and a great man. Hard to imagine Newman left this mortal coil with too many regrets, and impossible not to respect him...or his salad dressing.

BRETT FAVRE—BULL’S EYE Every year is a soap opera—he’s quitting, no he’s coming back—but when the Jets landed Favre, they changed the dynamic of the team. And if they don’t make the playoffs, he and Mangini are gone.

RUDY GIULIANI—OFF TARGET Who?

YANKEE STADIUM—PARTIAL SCORE The old House That Ruth Built was kind of dumpy and bland, for all its magic. The new one promises to be a castle. Too bad it’s tainted with some ugly financing practices and not exactly accessible to the average fan. But it’ll look great on our TVs!

HELEN MIRREN—BULL’S EYE Brit actress reveals killer body and ribald past. Guess she kicks Cloris Leachman off that ‘She’s So Hot” list?
W.—OFF TARGET Oliver Stone’s Bush biopic was a critical and commercial bomb. Hey, just like its subject!

MILF ISLAND—BULL’S EYE 30 Rock’s absolutely genius idea for a new reality show. Ya wanna bet Fox is already all over this one?

BEYONCE/JAY Z—BULL’S EYE We admit it, we like Jayonce: How many other power couples manage to keep their lives as private, not to mention make such great music?

NEW YORKER—PARTIAL SCORE Nobody got their Obama cover, even the people who did get it. Fortunately, the New Yorker made up for that cover by offering the best analysis of the campaigns, the best endorsement of Obama, and the inspiration for the Entertainment Weekly Stewart-Colbert parody cover.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE—BULL’S EYE Most people won’t see it till ’09, but this was the best movie of the year.

RYAN SEACREST—BULL’S EYE Big year, lots of projects…and he still can’t get on the Tilt-A-Whirl at Adventureland because of the height requirement.

AL FRANKEN—BULL’S EYE Maybe by the time you read this he’ll be the next Minnesota senator. Thank goodness his campaign is over—now he can get back to being funny.

STREISAND/BUSH—OFF TARGET They share uncomfortable kiss at the 2008 Kennedy Center honors. Um…awkward moment of the year?

YVES ST. LAURENT—BULL’S EYE One of the great careers in fashion comes to an end. We couldn’t afford his stuff anyway!

CAROLINE KENNEDY—BULL’S EYE We’d make a joke here, but as members of the liberal media, we’re not allowed to talk bad about the Kennedys.

RAHM EMANUEL—BULL’S EYE Bam’s chief of staff is a feared negotiator and tactician—the perfect Bad Cop to balance out Barack’s Good Guy.

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE—OFF TARGET A writer of immense talents hangs himself in his prime. We have no words for this loss. He’d have a million. And then another 250,000 in footnotes.

THE WIRE—BULL’S EYE The greatest drama in the history of television closes with its worst season…which is still better than any other season of any other show ever.

KINDLE—PARTIAL SCORE But we still have hundreds of actual books we haven’t read yet!

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE—BULL’S EYE Rebounds with class after a battle with breast cancer and a double mastectomy, inspiring us all.

PINK—BULL’S EYE Separates from moto-cross superstar hubby Corey Hart, and gets one of her best songs out of it. Wait’ll the divorce comes through.

HEATHER MILLS—OFF TARGET Takes Paul McCartney to the cleaners in their divorce case, and shows absolutely no class doing it. Just boo all around, right?

GOTTI JR —OFF TARGET John Gotti Jr. did nothing warranting jail time, and we couldn’t disagree more with his sentencing…is he gone yet? Phew.

BEATDOWN—OFF TARGET Stuff like the Dix Hills YouTube beatdown makes us glad we went to school before the age of the Internet. At least when we got stuffed in a locker it didn’t get videotaped.

TRAIN CRASH—OFF TARGET As if the California wildfires weren’t enough…
GUANTANAMO BAY—PARTIAL SCORE The Supreme Court’s decision to give Gitmo detainees some rights could spell the end for the horrible torture that’s synonymous with the facility. But who will listen to David Gray now?

TRAVIS BARKER—BULL’S EYE Blink-182 drummer survives a plane crash which kills four other people. His ex, the former beauty queen Shana Moakler, stayed by his side during his recovery. Ah, that’s how you survive a plane crash.

GREY’S ANATOMY—OFF TARGET Wait, wasn’t this once everybody’s favorite show? Worst downslide since Rudy Guiliani’s presidential campaign.

SINGLE LADIES—BULL’S EYE Justin Timberlake’s SNL spoof better than Beyonce’s real video, but this song kills any way it’s presented.

TV ON THE RADIO—BULL’S EYE They’re on top of many year-end CD best-of-lists. What, you never heard of them?

DEPRESSION PHOTO—BULL’S EYE A subject of famed photo finally identifies self after decades of anonymity. We only wish the photo didn’t seem so relevant right now.

SYTYCD—PARTIAL SCORE So You Think You Can Dance, the only reality talent competition featuring actual talent was still great, but definitely missed a step or two: most notably, its two best choreographers, Wade Robson and Shane Sparks. But it was great to see Commack girl Courtney Galliano in the final four.

SUNNY VON BULOW—OFF TARGET After 28 years in a coma, Claus’ missus finally passes. No, not Santa!

SCENE—PARTIAL SCORE We would have given this lifestyle a Bull’s Eye, but then that wouldn’t be too scene then, would it?

MUGABE—OFF TARGET Zimbabwe’s violent dictator refuses to step down. Well isn’t that what violent dictators are supposed to do?

PARIS HILTON—BULL’S EYE Provided the best campaign ad of the year—funny and smart. Just like Paris.

CALIFORNIA GAYS—BULL’S EYE California legalizes gay marriage. Really? Do you think those Hollywood types will stand for that?

50 CENT—OFF TARGET His ex’s Dix Hills house burns down. Did we mention they don’t get along?

NEW KIDS—BULL’S EYE NKOTB reunite. C’mon, admit you went to the concert and bought the CD.

LEONARD COHEN—PARTIAL SCORE The great Canadian poet/songwriter went on tour for the first time in forever…but why no NY dates?!

SHEA STADIUM—OFF TARGET The stadium that actually looks like a garbage can is finally getting thrown out. Good riddance…and take Billy Wagner with you!

MITT ROMNEY—OFF TARGET How did the GOP frontrunner fall so fast? How did anybody lose to McCain in ’08?

MIKE HUCKABEE—BULL’S EYE He may have lost the Republican nom, but the former Arkansas guv won us over with his candid, offhand and self-deprecating humor.

NICOLAS SARKOZY—BULL’S EYE In his second year in office, the French prez established himself as a major player on the global political scene. Oh, yeah, and his really hot wife is also a really good singer!

MIKE/MAD DOG—OFF TARGET The great radio duo splits. And on their own? They’re both UNLISTENABLE!

CANADIAN PARLIAMENT—OFF TARGET In a historic move, prime minister has governor general suspend Parliament to head off an anticipated no-confidence vote. And you thought national politics only went to hell in the US?

TOM SUOZZI—PARTIAL SCORE The Dashing Dem certainly has had a weird year. He started off 2008 stumping for Hillary. Then for Barack Obama. The goal was a trip to the U.S. Senate, but with all the Kennedy talk, it looks like Tom will probably be here for a while to cure the mounting financial ills of Nassau. There’s no place like home, Tom.

STEVE LEVY—PARTIAL SCORE He was once so mighty, but 2008 was a foot-in-mouth year for the once cross-endorsed county exec. Between his unforgettable gaffe after the murder of a Latino immigrant, and now another public war with law enforcement, Levy is hoping for a brighter 2009.

KATY PERRY—BULL’S EYE The bi-curious lyrics “I kissed a girl and I liked it,” penned by the daughter of an Evangelical Christian preacher, topped the charts for months, pissing off right-wing fundamentalists everywhere—and we liked it.

PEREZ HILTON—BULL’S EYE Remember that fat kid with the pink hair hiding behind the computer in high school all the popular kids used to make fun of? He’s making fun of the popular kids now and making millions for it. Karma, anyone?

CAYLEE ANTHONY—OFF TARGET The body of the missing 3-year-old was found bagged up in a wooded area just outside her neighborhood, while her mother faces charges including first-degree murder. There are just too many things wrong with that sentence.

ISIS KING—BULL’S EYE Born Darren Walls, the America’s Next Top Model contestant became the first transgendered person to compete on the show. The disturbing part? She looks better in a bikini than most of us.

ROCK BAND—PARTIAL SCORE Fake plastic rock instruments continue to allow those of us with very little musical talent to live out our deepest rock star fantasies.

ANNE HATHAWAY—BULL’S EYE After paying her millionaire/con-artist boyfriend Raffaello Follieri’s $37K rent for four months, the Get Smart beauty, well, got smart, and sent her shady beau packing—to a different kind of country club.

STEM CELLS—BULL’S EYE It looks like human embryos won’t be needed to generate motor neurons from stem cells after all. A new technique can reprogram a patient’s ordinary skin cells to behave just like stem cells, and that’s great news for just about everyone.

VLADIMIR PUTIN—BULL’S EYE Last year, the Russian PM was caught fishing with his shirt off. This year, the camo-clad Judo champion and former KGB agent took down a tiger, saving a team of scientists, and perhaps more importantly, proving that even international political figures can try to bring sexy back. Oh, and then there’s that invading Georgia part.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR—OFF TARGET Even divine intervention couldn’t keep the presses running.

2008—PARTIAL SCORE Boo: Wall St. meltdown, ensuing layoffs, no end in sight. Yay:
Bye-bye W., Welcome O!

Putting aside childish things

2009-01-25T12:12:00.000-05:00

Pledge to self: When I witness behaviors—or hear things—on the subway, in the office, or on the street, that irk me, or stimulate my petty impulses and defenses, I will remind myself of Prez O's stirring words:

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

Mind you, this part of the speech wasn't bad either:

Know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

It’s the end of the world—not! (Thank goodness.)

2009-01-24T20:00:00.001-05:00

Got a lot of dark belly laughs and ah-hah moments reading an article in this week’s New Yorker, “The Dystopians,” by Ben McGrath. Basically, the piece discussed a bunch of end-time folks who believe that—in addition to what we’ve done to the markets and economy—what we’ve done to the environment will be hard, if not impossible, to fix and will take us down.

Imagine a near future where, due to a lack of resources such as natural gas, sky scrapers become impossible to cope with and are abandoned, cities become unmanageable, and many flee Ted-K style to the deep woods to live the way survivalists do. And so on. What remains? Empty, weed-infested malls and abandoned office buildings, urban areas which become actual concrete jungles—I think you’re getting the not so palatable picture.

To continue, one of the featured “doom and gloomers” is a disgruntled but harshly amusing fellow named James Howard Kunstler, author of a now rather infamous 1993 book about the ugly sprawl that is often suburbia, “The Geography of Nowhere.” He also has a blog that I plan to follow, Clusterfuck Nation. Wherever you sit on the political spectrum, the New Yorker article is an interesting read and I bet Kunstler’s book and blog are too. I hope all the doomsayers are wrong—mind you. I think I’d be a lousy survivalist. How would you fare?

P.S.-I got into a bit of an argument at my office about the term, cougar. Some of the youngsters where I labor informed me that the primary definition of a cougar is a 40-year-old plus who goes after 20-year-old plus boyz. While I was aware that being sexually appealing was part of the primary definition, I thought the what distinguished a cougar from other 40-year-olds (who may date younger men) was the aesthetic: the so called "inappropriate" display of sexuality: lots of cleavage, tight clothing, heavy makeup. Possible plastic surgery abuse. But I was told it’s the behavior of hitting on the young guy that makes a cougar—not her class, not what she wears, not how remade, overmade, or undone she is.

Anyway, it took me a while to figure out what, exactly, was bugging me about the cougar discussion (which, admittedly, I invited myself into.) What bugged me about it was that there isn’t a comparable term for men who date much, much younger women. So, I came up with a few: this one’s for you Hugh Hef: geriatric; grand-paw; and old man wish he was a luv gangsta. Oh yeah, my personal favorite: slack jacks, which refers to a certain part of the anatomy that just may sink a lot closer to the earth with age—which comes to us all unless we die. From a cougar with love.

Sounder—watch it. Marvel at what it was like BITD

2009-01-18T09:07:00.001-05:00

If you have a few hours for a socially conscious weepie, check out the 1972 Martin Ritt film, Sounder. As Yahoo! Movies described it generally: "An extremely powerful and uplifting story about a family of black sharecroppers, the Morgans, set in rural Louisiana during the early 1930s..." with Cicely Tyson, Paul Winfield, and Kevin Hooks. Sounder is their hound dog. You'd have to have a heart of tin and a vapid brain not to be moved by this story of hardship, family, and fighting spirit. Yeah, it'll make you hate every southern white racist cracker you ever knew, imagined, or saw on film. But you'll find yourself routing for most of the people in this film, including the brave black teacher and the one cool white person in it (a woman who tries to transcend her small town roots to help the Morgans because SHE's not a bigot.) At times, you may find yourself shouting at the television because you won't believe (despite what you've read) that this country could have been so messed up so recently. Sit through the discomfort. On a dramatic level this film is interesting.

Obama—we’re ready for him

2009-01-17T17:47:00.001-05:00

I don’t remember when, exactly, I signed up for Time magazine or under what special offer it floated into my life—but it arrives like clockwork in my mailbox and is always a pretty good read. (Bill O’Reilly probably considers the pub way too “left wing media elite” to hold ink; but then again, he can be a bit of a stinker, can’t he? Let him blow some hot air in some other cold corner, I say.)

Anyway, I bring up Time because Obama appears, yet again, on the cover in an inauguration Preview issue. Interestingly, (unless I’m skimming it wrong), the lead story focuses on what the Obama presidency proposes to do for the rattled and struggling economy. One. Trillion. Dollars. (It reads.)

I’m sucked in because the article could have started with the standard issue, "he’s the first black president and we’re all filled with hope" lead (which would have been fine with me, if a little predictable). But cash is king, as I’m reminded at the office on a regular basis—and so the economic plan it is.

Meanwhile the regular pontificators on O'Reilly and on right wing radio say in various forms, “oh, here we go, everyone is going to kiss Obama’s butt for the next four while we’re going to hell in handbasket.”

Happy to report all the player haters wrong so far; the articles I've found seem to be pretty standard-issue "what are we going to do to get out of this mess—gee, Obama's inherited a mess. Let's hope he can deal with it" kinds of coverage. If Obama garners less negative coverage in the short run, it's probably because he's a pretty competent man—and bright and he'll actually work at his day job. But I digress...

I say if we're turning to the government, so be it. Let's give stimulus a try. (Yes, I'm familiar with the arguments that say the depression-era government stuff didn't work; only WW2 turned us flush. Bla. Bla. Bla.) I say, anything but more trickle down BS. The only that's been trickling on me smells poor, I have to say. (But I promised if I got back into blogging in a big way I wouldn't rant NO MORE. Ha. We'll see how long that lasts—I think I've blown it already. But back to the article, which references the (they say) "trendy dead economist John Maynard Keynes." Check it out to learn a thing or two.

In a Twin Peaks State of Mind

2009-01-11T09:41:00.000-05:00

Originally posted on MySpace: December 8, 2008 - Monday

Twin Peaks
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Good to realize I'm not the only one who's once again obsessed with an early nineties classic: Check out this episode guide. (http://twinpeaksepisodeguide.blogspot.co m/2008/07/episode-18.html) From Audrey Horne to Leland Palmer, Bob to Agent Cooper, this carnival of genres has it all. Plus packs a punch of cool visuals and droll humor.

I'll add to my original post. Fresh after a long, snowy, night of late-season-two viewing, via NetFlix, I have a few freshly minted opinions: I highly disagree with the original critics who said that the show couldn't hold a center after the Laura Palmer thread of the story was resolved early on in Season Two. (TP, you may recall, only lasted a skinny first season of about 8 episodes, then, in year two chugged out something like 20 before getting canceled. I should check my facts but you can sort it out yourself with a quick Google if you are interested because there are numerous sites out there. One of them is (http://www.cinemablend.com/dvds/Twin-Peaks-The-Definitive-Gold-Box-Edition-2700.html) In a DVD extra, someone who worked on the project described it as "Pagan," rather than "Western," in terms of the consciousness it projected. Interesting description.

Anyway, some of the critics at the time said it merely got silly after Laura Palmer was solved. I thought it only got more charming the stranger season two got. Why, you had the Miss Twin Peaks contest, the ex-FBI, evil insane chess obsessive turned serial killer plot, the James nearly goes over the edge side romp, and the Audrey-falls-in-love cul-de-sac. Strange but strangely fun. Moreover, it's an interesting survey of a then emerging pool of acting talent: from David Duchovny and Heather Graham to Billy Zane, plus Seinfeld's own braless wonder, Brenda Strong. This is must see television.

It's a New Year. Ready, steady, go

2009-01-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

So, some early morning 'net hunting and book mark tidying led me, with a few swift clicks, to Will Brezsny's work. I used to read his stuff in the libertarian New York Press and always had at least a giggle if not an outright 'ephiffff' to make it all worthwhile. Anyway, from what this Aries is gleaning from the reading, I'll finally have the will, aptitude, and resourcefulness to get out of my own way and make things happen in 2009. I say, it couldn't have happened to a nicer grrrl. Maybe his site will have something special to say to you. Check it out http://www.freewillastrology.com, (because for some reason, I can't get links to work yet on this site.)

Sure, deep critical thinkers frown on the psuedo-scientific riffs of this form of stargazing that is married to psychology. But you know, I really am an Aries with the softening effect of a moon in Pisces. I'm way more interior than the so-called "typical" Aries, but I certainly have those ram-sicle, bombastic leading tendencies. What's your deal? Pretend the stuff is real and use it as an analytic gauge my friends, that's my advice to you on this still chilly morning.

In a sixties place: two books and a film worth watching

2007-03-12T16:17:00.000-04:00

When I was a precocious six, I imagined my life, at say 15, 18, or 30 as a nonstop rock concert, boys and girls with arms swaying in the wide arcs of ecstasy, lots of amped guitar and men cavorting in leather like my favorite countercultural sexy demon, Jim Morrison.
Whatever the occasion, I would be regally dressed in delicate dishabille like Janice Joplin on the Pearl album. (It was in my Dad's collection and a favorite.) Interesting artists and musicians would be my dear, dear friends. I would often stretch out on chaise or in limo, being driven from concert to concert, in between rest up by taking long baths or hanging out at art galleries. Now and then, I would run off to the desert or to faraway destinations, say in Egypt or Central America or Hawaii to have adventures and check out the local color. I would fly my own plane and paint or play an instrument. Never a mundane moment would pass me: and cubes? Blissfully I had no idea of the close prefab confinement to come.
The sixties seemed to promise lusty, nonstop joy like that. Mind you, I was born in 1965 so really didn't know firsthand. It was just the way it seemed in 1971, in the safety of my mother's gold and pumpkin colored living room surrounded by spider plants and macramé.
I tended to romanticize the period longer than most. Like a few teenagers who weren't all that tapped into punk in 1980 and who only got as progressive as the Cars, I listened to (mostly) nothing but old Stones 65-73 at 15. I went through an annoying Doors period, a love of Janice to rival my father's high esteem of her, and, later an “all Jimi, all the time” phase. I sampled Canned Heat, Donovan, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, Bloodwin Pig, and dozens of other acts in Dad's album stacks. Later, I would denounce all of it as ridiculous and excessive and listen to none of the music, except Hendrix on occasion. Of my affection, I was reminded by two books and a film. Zodiac, to start there, is a terrific period piece (beginning in 1968) about the investigation surrounding the real-life serial killer that you don't need to be a hippie lover to adore. Focusing doggedly on the police work and the lives of a crime reporter and political cartoonist who also got sucked into the mystery and the hunt for clues, “Zodiac,” by Seven and Fight Club’s David Fincher, recreates San Fran in that gray, pumpkin, and gold period. It was a time when many women still wore elaborate hair like swirls of icing, everyone smoked, and a single killer could hold a city in his sway. As Rolling Stone's Peter Travers wrote in a recent issue: It’s a wonder Fincher wasn’t traumatized by this nut job, who inspired the fictional killer Scorpio in Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry. Primal fear is hard to explain away, but the characters in Fincher’s film try to do just that by cutting a monster down to human size. At the head of the list is cartoonist Robert Graysmith, played by Jake Gyllenhaal with just the right blend of smarts and geek-boy fixation. Graysmith, a shy newbie at The San Francisco Chronicle, is gripped by the first letter, which begins, “This is the Zodiac speaking.” For more details, he hounds the paper’s ace crime reporter, Paul Avery (the reliably amazing Robert Downey Jr.), who in turn hounds the SFPD’s hotshot homicide inspector Dave Toschi (Mark Ruffalo) and his partner, William Armstrong (Anthony Edwards). The contentious bond among these men will stretch into years, even when Armstrong drops out and no arrests are made. It's Graysmith who will later write the two books, Zodiac and Zodiac Unmasked, that serve as the film's source material, bolstered by fresh investigations launched by Fincher and screenwriter James Vanderbilt.
That's a lot of dogs to be gnawing on one bone. But make no mistake, you will be hooked and creeped out big time.
Balsamic Dreams by Joe Queenan will also hook you too, and you'll find yourself nodding in recognition in between belly laughs. In Balsamic, Queenan denounces all everything self-aggrandizing, annoying, and bewildering about the boomers and the 60s. He makes the claim that in their failure to realize early promise the entire sixties generation nested themselves right into obnoxiousness.You'll find yourself, perhaps grudgingly at first, admitting he's right—maybe the heroic aspects of the period were overstated or overblown. There are many things to praise in this blisteringly funny book. Here is a nugget that was not only brilliantly true, it had me rethinking my own conversational M.O. He criticizes something he calls the canned riff. "It is a carefully rehearsed, artisanally crafted spiel that delineates who I am and how I got here, what I stand for, and what I deplore." He goes on to write: “Sometimes it concerns textures. (”I use chopsticks because I love the feel on my tongue.”) Sometimes it embraces politics (”I could never vote Republican after Reagan laid that wreath at Bitburg.”) Sometimes it addresses carbonation. (“It's fizzy. It's gassy. It doesn't quench your thirst.”) Against thegeneration he charges such crimes as “Tasteful self-absorption as a way of life,” and “An absolute inability to accept the ordinary.” If you read nothing else this year, read this book. The multi-culti references alone are worth it.
Finally, there was the fiction, The Last of Her Kind, by Sigrid Nunez, which also brought me back to “my” decade. A sober peering back through the 60s and 70s period, the book looks at a fatally idealistic activist and her former college roommate who nurses a mentally ill sister, a clutch of childhood grievances, failed romances, many of life's hard knocks. Mostly, she puzzels over her relationship with the activist, who’s life takes a sharply tragic turn when she shoots some cops in NYC in an effort to protect her lover.

A big steaming pile of talent

2007-03-12T16:11:00.000-04:00

Richard Jeni shot himself over the weekend. At this sad story—all you can do is say a prayer and hope he is at peace. He was a terrific talent, the kind of guy that made you feel a little less melancholy should you be so inclined. A comic’s comic who had HBO and ShowTime specials and a long, solid standup career, Jeni was appreciated for his finesse, longevity, and writing skill. He hailed from Bensonhurst but, in demeanor, was more like a sweet and breezy Dick Van Dyke between marriages than Dice. I’d become acquainted watching an HBO special from 1992 (Platypus Man) and laughed so hard at his wry yet effervescent wisecracks, well crafted observations about being a single guy, that I asked around about “what else he’d done.” From time to time I’d see rebroadcasts of older specials and there were always a few lines that stuck with me. I was rewarded for my new admiration with the nearly flawless, “A Big Steaming Pile of Me,” in 2006. He riffed on v*ginas with an agenda, “vagendas,” the effects of PMS, political correctness, the current mood against France, latte-drinking bleeding hearts (who would, nonetheless fail to pledge a few dollars to save a starving third-world child), and made countless observations about being full of it and yet, decent enough in heart, mind, and intention. He'll be missed.